A total babe goes to the gynecologist. The doctor takes one look at the woman and all of his professionalism goes out the window. He immediately asks her to undress. After she has disrobed, the doctor begins stroking her thigh. “Do you know what I’m doing?” he asks.

“Yes,” she replies. “You’re checking for any abrasions or abnormalities.”

“That’s right,” says the doctor. Emboldened, he then begins to fondle her breasts. “Do you know what I’m doing now?”

“You’re checking for any lumps or breast cancer,” she replies.

“Correct,” says the doctor.

Deciding to go for broke, he mounts her and begins having sex with her.

“Do you know what I’m doing now?”

“Yes,” she says. “You’re getting herpes—which is what I came here about in the first place.”

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After the checkup, the doctor took the wife aside and said, “Your husband is suffering from severe, long-term stress and it’s affecting his cardiovascular system. He’s a good candidate for either a heart attack or a stroke. If you don’t do the following four things, your husband will surely die. First, each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood. Second, at lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work. Third, for dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don’t burden him with household chores. Fourth, and most important for invigorating him and relieving stress, have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim in bed.”

On the way home in the car, the husband turned to his wife and asked, “So, I saw the doctor talking to you, and he sure seemed serious. What did he tell you?”

“You’re going to die,” she replied.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse,” he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, sir. I’m only here to wash your upper body and feet.”

He struggles to ask again, “Nurse, are my testicles black?” Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, “There’s nothing wrong with them, sir!”

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, “Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely. A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k?”

When my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital unexpectedly, she asked me to bring her a few items from home. One item on her list was “comfortable underwear.”

Not sure what she considered comfortable, I asked, “How will I know which ones to pick?”

“Hold them up and imagine them on me, “ she answered. “If you smile, put them back.”

Once there was a midget who complained to his buddy that his testicles ached all the time. As he was always talking about his aching testicles, his friend suggested that he go to the doctor and see what he could do to relieve the problem. The midget took his advice, went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look.

The midget dropped his pants. The doctor put him up onto the examining table and proceeded to look for the trouble. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to cough, which he did.

“Ah! Ah!” mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right one asked him to cough again, which he did.

“Ah! Ah!” said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors.

Snip, snip, snip on the right side.

Snip, snip, snip on the left side.

He told the midget to pull up his pants and see if it still ached. The midget was delighted as he walked around the doc’s office and his testicles were not aching. “What did you do Doc?” he asked.

The doc replied, “I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots.”

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform for his wife. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few medications, but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him, “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist.

After a few visits with the psychiatrist, the psychiatrist confesses he can not figure out what is wrong. The psychiatrist decides to refer him to a witch doctor.

The witch doctor says, “I can cure this!” He throws some powder on a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke. The witch doctor says, “This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say ‘123,’ and it will rise for as long as you wish.”

The guy then asks the witch doctor, “What happens when it’s over?”

The witch doctor says, “All you or your partner has to say is ‘1234,’ and it will go down. But be warned it will not work again for a full year.” The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with the good news. So, as he is lying in bed with his wife, he says, “123.” Suddenly his penis gets a huge erection. With that, his wife turns over and says, “What did you say ‘123’ for?”

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.

“Breast-fed,” she replied.

“Well, strip to your waist,” the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, then pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a detailed examination.

Motioning to her to get dressed, he said, “No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.”

“I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”