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What ABC Isn’t Telling You About The Bachelor

More robots per episode than an entire season of Westworld.


The original title of the show was going to be “Chlamydia Island”.


Losers forced to choose between death or being cast on an MTV2 reality show.


The scent of female desperation that hangs over the mansion is burning a hole in the ozone layer.


In regards to damage done to your soul, watching a season of The Bachelor is equivalent to poisoning a day-care center.


It has been foretold that, when the End Of Days doth approach, people who posted on The Bachelor fan message boards will be forced to fight those who posted on Full House message boards, to the death, using only a sharpened spoon soaked in urine.


Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

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