by Jeff Lutz & O.C. Newby

It starts as soon as I get out of my car and walk by the smokers.  Every ten minutes, they’re filing in and out of the office for what they like to call a “smoke break.”  The only consolation:  they probably have lung cancer.

I sit down at my cubicle and look around.  I’m like a rat trapped in some kind of experiment.  Why three walls?  I’m not an actor in a play!  I look up.  Oh, God.  It’s the Happy-Go-Lucky Morning Guy.  He is ALWAYS in a good mood.  “How was your weekend?  Are you working hard or hardly working?”  he says, laughing at his own joke.  Well, I just walked in the door and sat down so what do you think?  I can’t wait until Happy-Go-Lucky Morning Guy becomes a victim of this competitive environment.  We’ll see how happy he is then.

The Young Gun struts by and hands me three memos.  “This proposal is red hot.  Let’s hit a home run and expand the pie.”  Punk brat.  He thinks he knows everything because he went to some fancy school that ends in University.  I start typing up a report - Is this project pigs or chickens? - only to be interrupted by Forward Guy.  He’s going to “shoot” me an email.  Please read string below.  This guy has more communication with me than my Domestic Dependent Plus One.  Chain letters, page-and-a-half-long jokes, wildly inappropriate pictures.  Today, it’s a video of Spencer Pratt getting f*cked by an emu which he thinks is hilarious!

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By Thane Economou and Rachel Arbeit

“She Went To Neverland”
- Johnny Depp, Finding Neverland

Michael Jackson, sadly passed away on June 25, 2009.  Tours were cancelled, celebrities mourned, British housewives shrieked and the music world lost a genius.

For the man who entertained so many, it is time for us to give back.  Is it too soon to make jokes? No, we’re National Lampoon.

These are the best Michael Jackson jokes of all time; we’ll just call it the Michael Jackson’s Greatest Hits: Jokes Edition.

A: Get out of my son.
Q: What did the lady say to Michael Jackson at the beach?

Click here for more of his Greatest Hits

by Jocelyn Richard

Excerpts from Edith Wilson’s An Accidental Idol

CHAPTER 86: “Lovely Burgers and Burgeoning Love”

It was an hour before show time, but Susan Boyle was already nervous and unsightly. Her stomach churned with angst, and also from the Mini Sirloin Burgers she ate earlier that day. The penetrating smell of competition overwhelmed her elfin nostrils like bad wasabi, but that was nothing compared to the pressure she felt from deep within her heart, past all the layers of fatty tissue and everything, to find the perfect man-one that would appreciate Susan for Susan. “If only I could find a man that is desperately seeking Susan,” she pondered ever-so-cleverly, recalling the last movie she’d seen in theaters. “I would marry him in a heartbeat, provided my heart is still beating after so many trips to Jack in the Box.”

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by Anayat Fakhraie

Douchebag  (Duh-ce’ bag) noun/- commonly referred to as the gym or club rat.

Examining the creature known to many as the modern-day douchebag, it is imperative to understand the animal that populates many of our cities and nightclubs. The douchebag is a tricky creature mainly due to its slimy hair follicles and budging physique. However, anybody that doesn’t shop at Abercrombie & Finch, mainly minorities who aren’t allowed inside, knows how to spot this elusive animal.  From the popped collar to the leased BMW, douchbags have flourished in the healthy economy of yesteryear.  Growing at an alarming rate, they have expanded from the West and East coasts to infiltrate the larger portion of America; leaving a trail of women filled with regret behind them.

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“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.” T.S. Eliot, known for his positivity, remarked that the dramatic explosive apocalypses depicted in fiction rarely mirrored reality, in which ends come about slowly and sadly and completely explosion-free.

Luckily, careers have been ending in a ball of flames for years. I say luckily, because the cataclysmic fall off one’s pedestal is often enjoyable for the people below. And it’s for this reason that we’re proud to present: the Top 30 Career Suicides of All Time! Read More

by Champs O’Fallon

Growing up with brothers and sisters can be hard, but try raising them. Eight of them for that matter. Just ask Kate Gosselin, one half of the miracle duo featured on Jon and Kate Plus Eight (Which can be seen twelve hours a day on TLC, along with the channel’s other program, Little People, Big Problem). I  can commiserate coming from a normal Irish Catholic family of twelve brothers and sisters. (Note: That’s actually just a little O’Fallon family joke, I really only had 11 siblings, but Dad’s healthcare wouldn’t cover Alex’s corrective surgery until s/he was 14. Dad still tells him that he was the daughter that he’s always wanted. Oh, dad…) Being the youngest of seven brothers born in 1984, (All fraternal, no twins. Our doctor used to call my mom the “McUterus”) you can imagine my struggle for our parents attention. I can still vaguely remember nursing at eight months old, as my mother laid on the couch with her blouse undone, exhaustedly reading People magazine as my siblings and I would desperately climb over one another for sustinance. I can even recall one time, when my older brother, Michael, to slow my approach towards my mothers breast, wrapped a shoelace, procured from my father’s work boot, around my tiny neck as my other brother, Jimmy,  pushed down with all his little might on the soft spot at the top of my head. Boys, will be boys. Read More

by Carly Verble

It’s rare to see mascots that represent products like we did way back when.  Companies would rather spend their money on celebrity endorsements in the hope that more consumers will buy their products.  I’m sure Doublemint sold TONS of gum when Chris Brown was their spokesman and Kellogg’s definitely saw a spike in sales after Michael Phelps’ ‘Bong-Gate” incident.  If celebrity endorsements are too risky, they get a professional like Billy Mays, who can literally sell anything.  With his charm and slick salesmanship (read: screaming), it’s impossible to keep anything on the shelves.

However, there are companies who have stuck to the old way of doing things by creating a fictitious character to be their spokesperson.  For many companies, this has proven to be very effective.  Take, for example, Morris the Cat, brand representative of 9 Lives.  This cute, cuddly feline has crawled his way into the hearts and homes of many consumers.  Why?  Because he’s a cute, cuddly cat, that’s why!

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by Colt Brechtel

It’s the worldwide fad that refuses to die: dancing.  People from vastly different cultures regularly engage in the practice and seem to truly enjoy it.  It has been the subject of many of our nation’s most beloved films like Dirty Dancing, Save the Last Dance, Footloose (soon to be remade), and of course, You Got Served.  However, there is a small section of society that is not so fond of the institution.  A young adult, who has requested not to be identified, is speaking out on the craze that he believes is not as fun as they say.  This incredibly charming, intelligent, and impressive young man has trouble understanding the phenomenon:

“I don’t get dancing.  Really, I don’t get anyone who does something other than standing around somewhat uncomfortably when loud music is playing.  I reluctantly participate, but its appeal is beyond me.”

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The best films of all time have a lot in common: big stars, auteur screenwriters and directors, and a noticeable lack of Jessica Alba. But while the themes of great films all vary, most have the same thing in common: revenge! Few topics cause America to flood the cineplexes than someone done wrong on a quest to make it right. That’s one of the reasons Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the most anticipated film of the summer.

But what movies did it better than the rest? Which gave us a tortured hero and an unconquerable villain who Had It Comin’? Ladies and gentlemen: the Top 20 Revenge Films of All Time! Read More

by Edith Wilson

Since its inception in 1997, critics have rejoiced in Pixar’s ability to infuse youthy, hip subject matter with deeper, darker and more philosophical facts of life (hence it’s industry moniker, “The Pauly Shore of Animation”). Up, it’s most recent animated feature, successfully punctuates an upbeat adventure story with a montage about aging and loss; but according to a recent LAtimes article, Pixar overlords were hesitant to include the segment for fear that its somber subtext might impose too harshly upon its lighter fare (such was the case with Up’s disastrous prequel, Operation Dumbo Drop).

It is a little known fact, however, that Up is not the first Pixar film to undergo intense montage-scrutiny; in fact, past producers were forced to cut montages in some of their best-known works. For reasons known only to Michael Eisner, The National Lampoon has been given exclusive access to Pixar’s archive of banished montages: Read More

by Thane Economou

Image: Kris Hanson

Over the past week, celebrity Heidi Pratt claimed she had been tortured during the NBC show I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!. Pratt claimed her time in the “Lost Chamber” where she spent 14 hours with spiders caused her to spend an evening in a Costa Rican hospital, and thus is torture. NBC officials claim they only use enhanced interrogation techniques on their celebrity stars. However, this recent issue has brought the decades long debate over television administrations’ treatment of celebrities and attention seeking amateur reality contestants. Read More

In a live conference anxiously watched by nerds and nerds alike, Apple released the innovative new features in iPhone’s 3.0 software, which will be released in coming weeks along with the new iPhone 3GS. But there were quite a few that were missed by the online community. So here’s a list of what to expect in iPhone 4.0:

iAmADick: Whenever you answer your iPhone, your ringtone will say: I Am A Pretentious Dick! Look at me! so you don’t have to.

iBuse: Why hit your kids when you can remotely cause their iPhones to vibrate at levels comparable to Viet Cong interrogation practices? Read More

by Colt Brechtel

Nobody wants to drag ass in the fast-paced world of today.  That’s why the market has been flooded with energy products to keep people awake, anxious, and jittery throughout all hours of the day.  It started off with drinks like Red Bull, Monster, and Rockstar which were promoted as fuel for extreme events.  Since then, it has evolved into energy shots, energy candy, energy gum, and energy mints.  And politicians say we are in an energy crisis.

For many of these products, the energy effect is psychosomatic.  You consume the product and believe that your go-forces have been renewed.  In reality, these products have less caffeine than a cup of coffee, but they taste bad and make you urinate blood*, so something special must be going on.

*This actually happened to a friend of mine who binged on a certain sugar-free energy drink whose mascot is commonly dodged by matadors and is a color associated with communists.  He went to town on these drinks during a week in Vegas, started noticing blood in his urine, and went to a doctor.  He was told to stop drinking the beverage and the bleeding stopped shortly after. Read More

With the upcoming release of The Hangover, one of the movies that we’re most looking forward to seeing this summer, the NatLamp Interns have compiled a list of our 20 favorite Las Vegas movies of all time. Enjoy!

20. Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery - Titles Considered for this film included: “Mike Myers: One Trick Pony”; “Dude, What Happened?”; and “At Least There’s Always Wayne’s World”. Read More

by Mike Rosolio

Hypocrisy is wonderful. To a satirist, hypocrisy is like his insulin. To a diabetic satirist, insulin is still insulin, but hypocrisy is close.

Gamblers across the east coast have been celebrating Delaware’s recent decision to permit betting on sports. They’ve already got racetracks, slots, and tax-free shopping (which is like gambling…without losing…it’s like gambling against an idiot). This has been music to the cauliflowered ears of degenerates of all shapes and sizes who loved throwing down a five-team parlay, but hated dodging transsexual hookers on the way into the Taj Mahal. (sidenote: Atlantic City should be defecating in their suede pants right now. If Delaware goes one more step and permits table games, the stankiest part of America’s arm pit is going to experience a new degree of dead). Read More

by Thane Economou

Many of the characters presented here are from shows that are exceptionally funny. And the characters themselves are hilarious. But the following 20 names represent the personality, that while funny in a sit-com environment, would be so unbelievably terrible in the real world you would most likely want to murder them.

20. Frasier Crane (Cheers and Frasier): Throw in Niles, and that pair of brothers who are hilarious on the television show, in real life would be an unbearable pair of know-it-alls who inexplicably speak in British accents. Read More

This week, the world got a new chapter in the Terminator saga, a brilliant series surrounding the end of mankind as we know it. Millions of movies (yes, millions) have been made about the end of the world. Here are the twenty “best” of all time.

20. Resident Evil (2002) - Inspired by the “scary things jump out and make loud noises” video game.  Unfortunately there are no cheat codes to get you through the film quicker. Read More

By Aaron J. Waltke

We all have moments when it seems the world is ready to crush us.  When the least of your worries become the greatest of them, and when it seems you just don’t have the energy to take another step, let alone mail off your mortgage payment.

To get you motivated to make it to the end of the work week and help lift your spirits from the doldrums and routines of modern existence, I’ve decided to give you three things you thought were relatively harmless pleasures that are, in fact, sources of considerable evil. Read More

by Mike Rosolio

Certain words are weightier than others. They carry years of rotating meanings and the occassional graphic image of someone lighting himself on fire. You never want to have your product share a name with something infamous or terrible. AYDS Dietary Chocolate, for example, had such bad luck, as did Swine Flu Brand Toothpaste.

We’re hit very early on with the weight of these words. Communism was a big one. Before the idealogy or history of Marxism is explaned, you understand that communists are evil bastards who will take your candy and bite off your foot if it’s exposed from your bedspread in the middle of the night. It’s installed through cartoons, as the bad guys are always in commie red. Cobra Commander was a classic example. Even Mumm Ra had a red cloak and red cape. Nothing in Thundercats suggested Mumm Ra wanted to create an oppressive regime under the guise of a Worker’s Paradise, but nevertheless, the connection was made.
If ‘Communism’ is Bald Bull, ‘Nuclear’ is King Hippo. Read More

by Mike Rosolio

Today, millions of Americans will celebrate the Mexican holiday of Cinco De Mayo. And an equal number of Mexicans will wonder why. Cinco De Mayo, often misconstrued as Mexican Independence Day, is the date of the shocking Mexican upset of the French army at the Battle of Puebla in 1862. This is like the Germans raising glasses in honor of Ralph Sampson’s UVA squad losing to Chaminade.

The bottom line is that Americans love a chance to don an funny hat and drink an American beer with an ethnic sounding name. So why stop with our neighbors to the south? Here are a few other great occassions to toast someone else’s forgotten fortune. Read More

by Shawn Norris

Mexico City - It seems that the World Health Organization has finally been able to pinpoint ground zero for the swine flu pandemic. Officials have found that the original inception of the deadly Swine Flu Virus was at a Mexico City, El Pigglyo Wigglyo.

There was a grocer who had a farm and Pedro was his name-o. P-e-d-r-o. P-e-d-r-o. P-e-d-r-o and that’s how Swine Flu became-o. A pandemic of epic proportions; even E.B. White couldn’t have spun a web around a plague this delicious. (He’s the guy who wrote Charlotte’s Web: Please stop reading if you don’t get the joke.) Read More

Feeling the stress of Pig Fever? National Lampoon Labs wants you not to panic!

Our crack team of medical professionals have discovered a sure-fire swine-flu detector. Just drop your pants, click below and say AHHHHHH:

by Mike Rosolio

It’s no simple task being a human. The cerebral cortex that led to the dawn of the most advanced civilization in the history of the universe has come at a price (a quick preemptive strike to all the sci-fi emailers: yes, there could be something else out there that has infinitely renewable laser energy, six legs and Jetsons-style Turkey Dinners In A Pill. Show me one and I’ll agree. And not on photoshop). Humans are the only species that know they’re going to die (again, no photoshop). In a way, we have to live our lives constantly ignoring the fact that at any minute, for no reason, we could be dead. Stories on the local news of pianos falling on pedestrians and Natasha Richardson’s million-to-one checkout should scare us to the point of not being able to get up and go to our job at the fuel pier. Who in their right mind is going to dock boats and man the pump-out if they could die doing it?

We need to ignore these things that could randomly kill us, especially if there’s nothing we can do about it. So when we have 24/7 news outlets and access to the rec league baseball scores in Dubai (they don’t emphasize pitching), information can spread like Hep C at a Duke Lacrosse party, and when that information can kill us, we’re all foisted by our own technological petard.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Swine Flu!

by Aaron J Waltke

Jimony Christmas, will this woman ever shut up?

I swear, it’s all she does! She’s been at this for at least forty-five minutes now. First the drapes aren’t stylish enough, then she tells me I need to take the garbage out more often, then she says I need to ask for a promotion again (didn’t she hear me the first time when I said that corporate said they didn’t have the money to give me a raise?!) Read More

by Mike Rosolio

There’s a distinct pleasure in driving, far different than anything else. I’ve never ridden a camel, but I’m pretty sure the prevailing feeling would be one of confusion. “How the hell am I not falling off this animal?” Riding a camel seems like sitting on a coffee table on top of a horse; a drunk, spitting horse that smells like Michael Vick’s basement must after a weekend of Sparks and dog violence.

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by Rachel Arbeit

“I know what 420 is, I wasn’t born yesterday.” - My mom

If you don’t know what 420 is, consider yourself behind the understanding of the average 50-year old.

As Earth Day approaches, we celebrate today by smoking this terrific green earth. Unless you opt to vaporize… the new “healthier” way to get high. Read More

There’s no point getting all the way to “Just Taxes” only to find I’ve forgotten my W-2 or my W-4 or any of those other letters that say ‘Important Tax Information” or “Reply Requested” or whatever. Better just to bring the whole year’s worth of unopened junk mail, bills, Dominoes coupons etc, with me.

The problem is, some of that shit could be literally anywhere by now. So I’d better make sure I’ve looked in every closet, under every bed, behind the couch…

You know, now I think about it, a really thorough house cleaning is probably the way to go. Two birds with one stone, right?

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by Jay Pinkerton

“Good news! I think I found the rest of you baby!” Read More

It’s another “hip-happy-nin summer” in Happy Valley! Don’t miss these big events, sponsored by the Happy Valley Up-Downtowners, the Happy Valley Merchants Association and the Happy Valley Visitors and Convention Bureau.

by Hart Seely and Frank Cammuso

July 30: VIAGRAPALOOZA

The Woodstock Nation shall rise again. Line-up includes Earth, Wind & Fiber, 1910 Wheatgerm Co., Counting Crowsfeet, the String Mucous Incident, the Dave Clark Two and special guest, Gerry and his Pacemaker. Ask your doctor for a free sample. (Note: Side effects include hearing loss, memory loss and car keys loss. Erections lasting more than the duration of the concert require immediate medical attention.)

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by John Hallman

Publication: Atlanta Sports Magazine
Piece: “Modern Sporting is an Epic Farce”

Excerpt:

…Modern sport is a joke, and its participants a panic-stricken mass of mincing, weak-armed homosexuals. I openly mock the torpid state your American sport has been reduced to while having loud intercourse with your women and laying waste to your irrigation systems.

At Tsaaz-Bataan, held every spring along the shores of the River Taimen, there was much celebration and fanfare. Never will I forget the roasted flesh of horse we ate, the rich fermented mare’s milk we drank, and the merriment we had as fierce young warriors battled rabid hyenas without aid of weaponry.

I assure you, many a good man was ripped to shreds that day, and lay gasping on the ground as rich blood filled his lungs and the spirit of life drained from his eyes. That, I tell you now, is entertainment of the highest caliber. In addition, there was wrestling, sword fighting, and hawk-dueling, all of which proved fatal to a truly monumental number of participants. Now I’m expected to watch volleyball! I will march my vast army upon… Read More

• “Hey, you guys just flew in from M82, right? By any chance, your arms wouldn’t happen to be tired would they?”
• “Death beam? Is that like a laser show?”
• “You think you’re better than me?”
• “We have some literature we’d like you to read.”
• “Welcome to earth, we’re easily divided against one another, but enough about us…”

• “Can you come back at 8:30? ‘The Simpsons’ are on now.” Read More
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by Barrett Brown

Dear Abby - January 6, 2099

ear Abby: I’m a divorced nano-hermaphrodite of Venusian descent, who recently began dating a great guy I’ll call “Klimporthia Maximus IV, Master of the Crab Nebula and Seizer of a Trillion Souls.” Abby, Klimporthia is everything I’ve always looked for in a mate - he’s dashing, spontaneous, owns his own home, and is capable of transmutating the life force of any sentient being into a collection of sub-atomic particles capable of existing in twelve dimensions at once. He’s also Catholic. Because Klimporthia is sterile due to a ritual he undertook as a poddling warrior-priest, the two of us make a big effort to stay in the lives of my children from the previous marriage. Read More

by Harmon Leon

Jane Goodall is the world’s foremost authority on chimpanzees, having
closely observed their behavior for the past quarter century, living in the chimps’
environment and gaining their confidence. But did you know she is one of the grand masters of prankdom in both the comedy and anthropology world?

Chimpanzee life was still a mystery in 1957, when 23-year old Goodall arrived in Kenya to realize her dream of studying chimpanzees; an animal who could give us a window into our own beginnings. Goodall set up a banana-laden feeding station designed to lure the apes out into the open. But they still refused to accept the young researcher into their troop. Thinking fast, Goodall remembered a stunt she saw once at a local zoo back home and threw her feces at one of the chimps.

The chimps loved it! They busted out into a gaggle of chimp laughter, immediately accepting Goodall as one of their own. Through the throwing of her own fecal waste, Goodall not only unraveled own of nature’s great mysteries, but also pulled a prank that transcended both human and primate, illustrating that apes and human’s aren’t so different after all, due to their shared love of a chimp getting hit in the face with a clump of poo.

Hat’s Off To Jane Goodall: Unraveler of the mysteries of the chimp world… and one funny son-of-a-b*tch!
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as told to Aaron Starmer

Ah, adventure, a lover of uncommon generosity, yet a lover with a womb of venom. I have lived a life dipping into adventure, so often as my passions have dictated. Has my soul grown richer for it, dear readers? Immeasurably. Have I also suffered? Indeed I have.

Mine is perhaps a story with the gentle reek of familiarity. Your father may have scuffed your hair and told you a Millington yarn or two, proclaimed, “My boy, that is why you mustn’t travel beyond the borders of our blessed hamlet. Out there be savages, women of loathsome loins, and creatures that will make outwards of your innards and not think but once of supping upon your Christian heart. Millington has seen it so that you may never have to!”

More than a lark, yet less than an epic, my story is one of wanderings, musings, of buggerings unbelievable in their decrepitude. I am not proud of all I have done with the time the Lord has given me. Still, I am proud to tell the tale. For the sake of the impatient, I shall start with one of my more slender endeavors. Read More

by Max Burbank

Semiotics is a difficult field, not least because I only sort of know what the word means. Well-intentioned Ivory Tower friends tell me it is “The Study of Signs”, but I think what they really mean is that I never finished college and they did. Actors speak of ‘subtext’; numerologists see the ‘hidden secrets’ contained in the words of sacred texts, even your most casual acquaintances may hint broadly at agendas lurking beneath the surface of seemingly unconnected events, if you get a few drinks in them.

That’s all very good, but I wish once and a while the so-called ‘learnified’ classes would shut the hell up and make room for a guy like me. I think it is high past time we reevaluate an unappreciated genre - cereal mascots. Long regarded as mere advertising shills, a closer examination reveals the kind of depths generally thought reserved for episodes of the original Star Trek, which I bet you didn’t know were actually morality plays about Vietnam and stuff. Except for “Spock’s Brain”, which just sucked. Read More

by Matt Blair and Justin Skinner

Hey, buddy! Canada here! We were all really excited when we heard aboot all you Democrats moving up here after the Christian Conservatives took over your country.

But it’s been like a month, now, eh? We figured maybe you got stuck in traffic at first. But now we think maybe you’re not coming after all. We wouldn’t want to be pushy or anything, but have you given us a fair shot?

Even though we’re right next door, most Americans don’t know anything aboot Canada. (And we’re cool with that. We wouldn’t want to impose. We’re probably not that interesting anyway. How are you doing?)

The truth is, though, Canada has a lot to offer an American Liberal. Check it out: Read More

by Harmon Leon

Where would we be without bouncers?! From Studio 54 to the modern day dance club, without bouncers our bars and clubs would be a haven for people who don’t have IDs and enjoy fighting.

Eager to find out more about the wonderful world of professional bouncing, I became a bouncer for one evening at a popular San Francisco club (name withheld in order to avoid getting my friend fired).

My purpose for becoming a bouncer: To keep the club a safe and orderly place! Going by the bouncer pseudonym “Ace”, I made sure I was prepared with essential supplies. Read More

Nothing changes all at once. HydroxyCut would love to create the perception that overnight evolution is not only possible, but as simple as swallowing a pill with a Diet Coke and a side of Burger King onion rings. Progress is aptly named because it isn’t even close to instant. But there are seminal moments that act as a catalyst, something that gets you over the hump and towards the change you initially sought. The Battle of Stalingrad wasn’t the last of World War II, but it was undoubtedly the catalyst for allied victory. The Berlin Wall fell years before communism in Moscow did. GM didn’t close its doors and beg congress for money immediately after releasing the Lego-inspired Pontiac Aztek. But looking back on those moments, you can see their impact; their undeniable role as a massive turning point in history.

That’s the way we look back on John Belushi. Read More

by Scott H. Leva

Booty Call: v. to call someone on the phone and arrange a sexual liaison, usually late night, and often when other more favorable options have proven fruitless.

Booty Call: n. The recipient of a booty call. See above.

Below are a few helpful tips to assist you in your quest for the perfect booty call. Read More

By Harmon Leon

Do you find it hard to get attention? Do you blend into the background like a large piece of human wallpaper?! When people talk to you, do find that their focus diverts elsewhere? Do you?!! What… hold on a minute… wow, I actually forgot what and with whom I was speaking with.

I guess you didn’t get my…….ATTENTION!

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