Ask a FAKE Doctor: Abstinence
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By Jeff Holbrook and Blake Pickens
This is Dr. J. Holbrook and I am going to talk about one of the scariest issues that our society is facing today. It addresses a subject that has been ignored and bounced around other professionals for years. I am not going to let it go unanswered any longer.
Question: Is it possible to become pregnant despite not having ANY sexual activity? (Submitted by Lois Einhorn)
The answer, plain and simple, is yes. There are countless situations throughout history of sexless-related pregnancies. Look at the story of Jesus and Mary. I’m not saying that this is the source of this recent surge of births, but I wouldn’t rule it out. People wonder how this is possible, but they must look around and realize all of the things that they come into contact with during their daily routines. It is not that surprising after putting some serious thought into it.
Research has been completed lately by Abstinence Master B. Pickens and the results from his findings have really put this issue into perspective. It seems that six out of eight females that have not had any sexual activity throughout their early lives are most likely to become pregnant. Pickens recently released a book entitled Our Daughters, the Abstinence Sluts, which is the chronicling of his journey across the United States in search of “innocent” pregnant girls.
One passage reads: “Stephanie Briggs, 17, has been spotted in Lawrence, Kansas, avoiding sex for several years. It has caught up with her, claims her elderly neighbor Mrs. Joan Kennison, for she woke up pregnant three weeks ago, and is still a virgin. She is one of fifty-seven teenage girls in Lawrence alone that is suffering from the “Abstinence” lately. These numbers are on the rise. The semen count is depleting and no longer appears to be a heavy factor in teen pregnancy in the community. Lawrence is Jesus’ strip club.”
Since abstinence is currently the leading factor in pregnancy, we need to alert parents in order for them to make their kids have all the sex that they can, including lesbians. This is the only way to prevent unnecessary, and completely uninteresting, pregnancies. Without sexual activity, kids will be having kids that are older than themselves. If that seems impossible, please read my book on genetics, My DNA, Your Mouth: A Guide to All Possible Genetic Malfunctions.
Other than sex of all kinds there is nothing that can stop this rate from increasing by the day. Abstinence has failed us and our children are paying the price for our morals. Get out there, kids, and have sex, with or without protection. The one thing you shouldn’t get off is the sex bandwagon.
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