By Jeff Holbrook

This is Dr. J. Holbrook and I have a very pressing question for this edition of Ask a FAKE Doctor. This question leaves a personal burden over my heart. It is not something that should be taken lightly and it is very deadly. Hopefully, I will reach out and save lives due to my experience with it and my knowledge of the medical field.

Question: Is it possible to get tetanus from a rubber bouncy ball? (Submitted by Tony Massa)

Sadly, my response to this question has to be yes. I have heard numerous people claim that they have gotten tetanus from multiple types of objects. Tetanus is said to derive from rust, but it actually comes from C. tetani bacteria and an endospore. The endospore helps to spread the infection after it reaches an environment where it can settle. The combination is the cause of tetanus, and tetanus is the cause of certain death.

Most medical experts say that rust is the primary substance that carries C. tetani, but I am going to reveal to the world for the first time that oxygen is the true cause of tetanus. Tetanus is in the air we breathe. Though C. tetani requires isolation without oxygen to mature into a killing bacterium, oxygen is what forces things to rust in the first place. Oxygen will carry the bacterium to other objects not consisting of metal in order to be misleading to humanity.

Much like the fire in the movie Backdraft, oxygen has a mind of its own and a hidden agenda as well. The medical profession has been sworn to secrecy regarding this information which is why no civilians are aware of the pending devastation. Medical experts are forced to take rectal vaccinations of anti-C. tetani sometimes as much as five times a day, which takes the “anus” out of tetanus. If oxygen were to know that humanity has discovered its evil plan, it would spread tetanus to everything we come into contact with. Regrettably, our government does not have enough ass vaccinations to protect our citizens.

To clearly answer the question asked, it is very possible to get tetanus from a rubber bouncy ball . . . if oxygen decides it is your time. An example of this comes from the death of a little girl in the movie Jingle All the Way starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. The little girl was in a scene in which Arnold is chasing her in a desperate attempt to get a bouncy ball symbolizing an action figure for his son off of the girl. The girl stuffs the ball into her mouth and Arnold does not get it, for he is then beaten by a mob of angry mothers. It appears the girl wins, but what the general public was not told is that the girl developed a deadly case of tetanus and passed away after enduring indescribable pain before the premiere of the movie.

This news is very disturbing but necessary to know. Please, if you can, watch what you keep near your person at all times. There is a chance that your computer screen is holding C. tetani as you read this. If that is the case, you’ll be dead in hours. At least, oxygen cannot control you anymore. Good luck.