Photos by Kris Hanson
Captions by Anayat, Gabe Grossman, Ben Brock, and Thane Economou

Many people are saying that President Obama’s tookus-gazing antics at the G-8 summit in Italy was in bad taste. Sure, the President stared down that Brazilian girl’s posterior like it was made of tasty, delicious Ovaltine, but it is far from the most embarrassing moments in photographic history for our glorious leader.

Due to some diligent digging by the nifty P.I.’s deep in the basement of Lampoon Central, we have uncovered some very interesting photographs starring President Obama from the past few decades.

Obama the Furry:

While it has been confirmed that Obama had a friendship with William Ayers of the 1960s domestic terrorist group The Weather Underground, their relationship was not as sinister as many Republicans would like you to think. Here you can see Barack attending Underground’s yearly furries retreat “F*ck Like Rabbits ’98″.

Mace Windu:

Taken before Obama’s inaugural Star Wars Ball, which is Washington’s version of P-Diddy’s White Party. Obama’s Fett Fest stipulates that partygoers can’t “Rave like a Rancor” if they don’t dress in costume. This photo, snapped by Former Vice President Dick Cheney, depicts the Commander-in-Chief right before he and Cheney simulated the climactic battle between Windu and Emperor Palpatine. Unlike the movie version, Obama wouldn’t let Cheney win, stating “I have had it with these motherf*cking siths at this motherf*cking party.”

Also in attendance at the Ball: Hillary Clinton as Mon Mothra, Rahm Emanuel as Young Anakin, Barney Frank as Jabba the Hutt.

Soul Train:

In high school, “Barry” Obama was known for his groovy dance moves, as well as selling the strongest shit. In this photograph from 1979, it confirms what conservatives have long theorized, that Obama is, in fact, a secret black guy. But Obama was the first man to be accepted by both the Soul Train and American Bandstand communities. Also, note a young Condi “The Fox” Rice in the background.

Spring Break:

At Spring Break ‘08 Obama can been seen campaigning for the white youth vote while smoking his favorite menthol cigarettes. During his stay in Fort Lauderdale, the president received his now famous Japanese symbol tattoo that he was told meant, “Hope” but really reads “crying mountain.” As the only black man in a sea of drunk and privileged white kids spending their fathers’ money, Barack Obama was an instant hit. Because if there is anything white teenager’s love, it’s the token black guy who says “Damn!” and “That’s Whack!”