Behind the Doors of Pixar’s Secret Archives

Ratatouille

Young moviegoers everywhere fell in love with Remy the Rat and his gang of mysteriously likeable Frenchmen.  Originally, though, filmmakers had also included a subplot involving Remy’s twin brother René, who is doomed to weary his endless days within an animal testing laboratory…

A heartbreaking montage ensues when Remy succeeds in emancipating René from the lab, not understanding that René’s immune system has already been compromised by months of experimental dosing, his skin inflamed by daily injections of Freud’s adjuvant.  With the “Tears in Heaven” intro on cue, Remy pulls his brother into the safe havens of France’s public sewer system, opening a gateway for antigens to viciously tease his brother’s defenseless system. All is not lost, however, just René’s antibody count.     That is, until the persistent lab technicians are able to locate René’s intradermal tracking device. As Remy looks on from the unholy waters, they quickly and efficiently sacrifice René by cervical dislocation.

BREAKING NEWS: Boxofficemojo.com has just announced that based on last week’s returns, Up is on its way to reaching the $200 million mark, further convincing Pixar executives of the importance of its moving montage. Appropriately so, Pixar has given the go-ahead to similarly dark and politically-charged montages in three of its upcoming films. In John Carter of Mars (2012), John’s and his alien wife’s children are placed in state custody when their marriage is dissolved by Prop 8.1; in Toy Story 3 (2010), Wheezy suffers from psychosomatic blindness when he witnesses day-care sex abuse; in 1906 (2012), there is no need for such a montage, as the provisionally R-rated film centers on the aftermath of an apocalyptic earthquake.