Champs’ Chats with Jon, Kate, and the Eight

Struggling to wrangle all the children into one room is quite the task. Yet, Kate manages to handle the overwhelming number of needs of her kids like a pro. This includes several outbursts from one child, Aaden I believe, who kept grasping at his stomach, exclaiming “Mommy, I keep coughing blood into my hands.” Like a seasoned veteran Kate jumps into action, “Nonsense, Aaden. You’ve just had too much cherry Juicy Juice. Now sit down, we have publicity here.” With the kids situated, Kate still has one last challenge of getting Jon to join us. “Jon! Get in here!” Jon, like the oversized child we know him to be, walks in dragging his feet, taking rattling swigs off of what appears to be a medicine bottle. He finally collapses into that famous couch, next to his lovely wife, and with their beautiful children sitting at their feet, we begin to chat.

Champs: Thank you so much for inviting me into your beautiful home. I couldn’t help but notice all of the construction going on in your house.

Kate: Well, you’re quite welcome. We have been going through some serious renovations around our home recently. I have been reading a lot of other books on how other types of species handle raising large numbers of offspring.

Champs: How fascinating…

Jon: I wish you’d read up on praying mantis’ and put me out of my misery. (Swigs again off the pill bottle)

Kate: Oh, Jon. He’s such a kidder. (She playfully palms the front of his face) I’ve been reading a lot about hamsters and how they produce such large numbers of babies in their litters.
Champs: And what does that have to do with the renovations?

Kate: Well, our daughter, Hannah, got one (hamster) a few years ago and I saw how well contained it was in its house with all of the tubes. So, just like all of my other great ideas, like taking hormones to have the family I always wanted, it rattled around in my head for a couple of weeks. Until one day, I saw the kids playing in the plastic playplace inside of a McDonald’s. I thought to myself don’t they just look so happy in there, why not have this in our house. So I tried telling Jon my idea, but of course he was nowhere to be found.

Jon: I was ordering the food.

Kate: Jon, what do I always say?

Jon: (Sighs) Speak when spoken to.

Champs: Wow, I wish I had a play palace in my house growing up. The kids must love the idea.

Kate: It’s not for the kids, it is for me. I mean us. Anyway… So I contacted TLC and told them about my idea. About how I think that the show could take on a new format where it focuses on me… and Jon… Instead of the kids. And they loved it. They told me that they should have no problem freeing up some more money to budget the renovation into the show. Apparently those midgets on their other program don’t really have many more years in them. You know how those types don’t live long. I give them a year or two…

Jon: One could only be so lucky.

Kate: (Raising her voice over Jon’s. No one likes it when they get interrupted.) So we should have no problem with the tubes getting set up in a couple of weeks. Their feed dish and water bottle are coming in next week and the wheel should be in sometime in the next month.