Happy Valley Summer Culture Calendar

It’s another “hip-happy-nin summer” in Happy Valley! Don’t miss these big events, sponsored by the Happy Valley Up-Downtowners, the Happy Valley Merchants Association and the Happy Valley Visitors and Convention Bureau.

by Hart Seely and Frank Cammuso

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July 30: VIAGRAPALOOZA

The Woodstock Nation shall rise again. Line-up includes Earth, Wind & Fiber, 1910 Wheatgerm Co., Counting Crowsfeet, the String Mucous Incident, the Dave Clark Two and special guest, Gerry and his Pacemaker. Ask your doctor for a free sample. (Note: Side effects include hearing loss, memory loss and car keys loss. Erections lasting more than the duration of the concert require immediate medical attention.)

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August 6-7: ORANGE ALERT DOWNTOWN DAYS

ashcroft gitmo house of horrors Friday, Wrap-in-Flag Fashion Show. Saturday, Don Rumsfeld Lookalike Contest (Winner gets to tour Middle East!) See Dick Cheney’s armored tie! Visit Count Ashcroft’s haunted “GITMO House of Horrors” (21-over.) Ride in the Election ‘04 Hot Air Balloon. (Village-wide lockdown at sunset. ID and FBI background checks required.)

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August 8: BLUE-GRAY HISTORICAL BATTLE RE-ENACTMENT

grant lee battle re-enactment

Join our 135th annual living-history “Rumble at the Creek” against those “Rebels” of neighboring Pleasant Valley. Our simulated “war” is limited to bare knuckles, crude clubs and 1-inch-diameter rocks. Last year, a few of those dirty bastards brought homemade shanks. This year, it’s payback!

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August 13-15: CICADAFEST ‘04

cicadafest 04 “Crunch Time” begins Friday with the Million-Mantis March, featuring our giant Honey Bun Locust Magnet. Saturday, the Cicada Chili Cook-Off, followed by the Happy Valley Players’ performance of “Stomp!” Nightly dining in the Raid House & Yard Guard Outdoor Fogger Perimeter. Fireworks by Sparky, the world’s largest bug-zapper! Musical guest Jon Secada. (And buy your tickets now for Cicadafest ‘21!)

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FILMS

	Stoned Age Follow the exploits of Ishbo, a philosophical caveman who yearns for more out of life Buy it on Amazon!
	Bagboy Step into the world of competitive grocery bagging and follow one man's quest to become champion more info buy it
	Electric Apricot Les Claypool's mockumentary of one jam band's quest to play the Festeroo music festival more info buy it