CELEBRITY
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Above all, the key to good bouncing is loads of ATTITUDE! As a bouncer, remember that the club you’re protecting is endowing you with a sacred trust: Making anyone who wants to get in feel slightly humiliated, and teaching them that they must work a little for the fun which lies ahead.
Advanced Attitude Techniques
Folding your arms and chewing gum: A great way to exhibit ATTITUDE!
Kicking the air: Whenever there’s a lull in patrons attempting to infiltrate your club, you might want to demonstrate a few improvised kickboxing maneuvers. Let them know you’re not afraid to kick at a patch of air while maybe pretending it’s them.
Look smart: Pull out a work of literature (perhaps Milan Kindera) to illustrate that, like Patrick Swayze, you are sensitive and complex. This also helps in chatting up the ladies: “Right this way, Ladies!”
The clipboard: Proper clipboard use makes club-goers realize they live in a ” To have and have not” world. Occasionally ask random people if they’re on “the list”. In my case, unknowing to potential club patrons, I had a page of sheet music on my clipboard (but they don’t have to know that).
Restating once again, remember the key important things to say as a bouncer (NOTE: If possible, do the following while shouting):
“Have your ID out or you’re not getting in the club!”
“Don’t toy with me, I’m just not in the mood!”
“I’m sorry I can’t let you into the club!”
“Ladies, right this way!”
“Make a line against the wall!”
Or, if it’s last call, yell the funny “Last call drink `em up.
You don’t have to go home, but YOU CAN’T STAY HERE!”
If you are an aspiring bouncer, following these steps will help you live your golden age of bouncing, which you will long remember in the future when working as a security guard at Wal-Mart. Best of luck, and remember: WWJDD?
Funnily enough anyone who actually works in the industry will see this article as just really baseless, misinformed and ultimately petty shots at actually standard practices, stuff that is there for really good reasons no less.
The rope is there to seperate doormen from patrons and regulate the entry/exit into a venue. Telling people to line up is not only a venune licensing requirement (in Aus/UK anyway) but also to prevent possible altercations between patrons and/or the public, because drunk people don’t like getting bumped into.
The headsets are plugged in, which may be a suprise to you, and are also one of the most effective safety equipment any guard will have. Those little headsets have saved lives across the world; both of patrons and staff. A flat radio battery has in the past have resulted in harm for Crowd Controllers, it is a terrible situation to be surrounded by hostile patrons without any way to contact other guards.
Crowd Controllers take ID checks seriously because if the police find underage patrons inside a club the management of the venue can be fined thousands of dollars. Because of insurance, standard operating practices and regulations, these fines may actually find their way to being the responsibility of the individual crowd controller. So if you feel that looking back and forth from ID to face is a funny, ask yourself if the guard is perhaps just trying to make sure he doesn’t sink his life by making a bad judgement call.
There is a ton of things that can be made fun of within the security industry, however this article picks out the only things which actually make sense to implement. It is like making a joke of firemen for having a truck and protective gear; I bet they don’t really even connect their firehoses to anything, they just want to look cool and heroic. It just sounds stupid and childish to even write something like that, let alone a whole article on it.
Seriously if this is the best you can come up with, you might as well be making fun of airplane food.