Internet Quizzes

by Matt Wilson

Internet quizzes. They make up fully 94 percent of forwarded e-mails and LiveJournal entries on the Internet today. The lifeblood of uncreative people hungry for content with which to impress their friends and other perceived “readers” on shoddy personal websites, these quizzes conclusively answer such philosophical entreaties as “Am I as determined as Vegeta?” and “Which character from Buffy the Vampire Slayer best defines me as a person?” Without teenage girls with LiveJournals, hard-hitting questions like these might have gone unasked.

As a sociological experiment, we here at the National Lampoon scoured the world wide web to take every quiz we came upon. Here’s how the internet defined us:

From the quiz, “What number that can
be summed from rolling two dice are you?”

From the quiz, “What eye disease are you?”

From the quiz, “Which Sex Pistols studio album are you?”

From the quiz, “Is this your card?”

From the quiz, “Which character from
Samuel Beckett’s ‘Endgame’ are you?”

From the quiz, “What Revolutionary War battle are you?”

From the quiz, “How fat are you?”

From the quiz, “What condiment are you?”

From the quiz, “Which highly reclusive author are you?”

From the quiz, “Where the hell are you going?”

From the quiz, “Are you pathetic?”