Investment Opportunities in The Killin’ Nazi Business

by Colt Brechtel
images by Kris Hanson

Business Description

The Killin’ Nazi Business is a venture that offers Nazi eradication services to the public of France and bordering areas. The enterprise was founded by Lt. Aldo Raine, a redneck visionary known throughout German military units as Aldo the Apache. Using the latest in United States military grade weaponry, Raine along with a team of associates affectionately called basterds locate problematic Nazi battalions and neutralize their effect on the general populace. Upon capturing Nazi groups, specialists are brought in to implement creative mutilation techniques and discover new opportunities in Nazi killin’. The Nazi aint got no humanity and they need to be destroyed. The company is currently looking for investors interested in becoming a part of a business that is truly a-boomin’.

Location

The Killin’ Nazi Business is constantly on the move. Headquarters shifts across the countryside of France. There is no permanent office or mailing address.

Industry Conditions

The Nazi suppression industry is a growing field that has begun showing impressive returns. What sets us apart from other combat units is our uncommon lack of mercy and affinity for vengeance. While the market is currently flooded with organizations working in the prisoner takin’ business, there are very few that are entirely dedicated to killin’ Nazi. This gives The Killin’ Nazi Business the ability to fulfill the specific needs of a niche market on nearly exclusive terms.

Services

The Killin’ Nazi Business is capable of accommodating a wide variety of Nazi eradication needs. Services include cranial targeted baseball bat swings, close range machine gun ambushes, and oversized explosions. These methods are carried out by experienced professionals who can guarantee satisfaction.

Marketing

The primary marketing tactic for The Killin’ Nazi Business is an unconventional form of word of mouth. By simply being cruel to the German, the people will in time become more familiar with the company. The technique involves three results. The German will be sickened by the company, the German will talk about the company, and the German will fear the company. The company also promotes the brand by leaving easy to discover evidence of the aforementioned cruelty. This takes the form of the disemboweled, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of German brothers that have been left behind.

Projections

The Killin’ Nazi Business has eight employees, all of which have been assigned non-negotiable quotas requiring them to produce one hundred Nazi scalps. Ergo, the company will produce numbers of killed Nazis in excess of eight hundred.

Future Opportunities

The war will not last forever. The Killin’ Nazi Business has planned ahead and is fully prepared to extend its services to include Nazis other than those involved in the National Socialist movement. The company will continue to thrive by focusing its effort on the killing of neo-Nazis, soup and other kinds of food Nazis, and the overwhelmingly aggravating Yahtzee Nazis.

Funding

The Killin’ Nazi Business receives funding from the United States government, but is also receptive to private investment. The company needs to cover a seventy million dollar film budget… I mean collateral… or capital… or something.