Poor Opening Lines With Which To Make First Contact

• “Hey, you guys just flew in from M82, right? By any chance, your arms wouldn’t happen to be tired would they?”
• “Death beam? Is that like a laser show?”
• “You think you’re better than me?”
• “We have some literature we’d like you to read.”
• “Welcome to earth, we’re easily divided against one another, but enough about us…”

• “Can you come back at 8:30? ‘The Simpsons’ are on now.”
• “Wife swap!”
• “I smell a sentient life form who wants a noogy!”
• Pretend to yawn and place arm around alien shoulder equivalent. Make out.
• “You’ve got a pretty vocal orifice.” Cocks shotgun.
• “Look at the size of your heads! Jesus H, guys. Hey everyone, come look at the space freaks!”
• “You better have brought us something cool or this first contact is over.”
• “Osama, advanced alien life forms. Advanced alien life forms, Osama.”
• “You call that a graviton-based emissions propulsion subsystem?”
• “Pay up guys. I was right. These new aliens are way uglier than anyone could imagine.”
• “Sorry new aliens, the Miturians found us first. Guess it’s sloppy seconds for your people, huh?”

• Whoa whoa whoa. Where you think you’re going? I’m gonna need to see an ID before I let you land on earth. Plus it’s a $20 cover and you’re gonna need a stamp if you’re planning on drinking.”
• “Those beaks of yours look awfully Jewish…what’d you say your last name was again?”
• “Run! These ones can open doors and water isn’t acid to them!”


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