by Mike Rosolio

It’s no simple task being a human. The cerebral cortex that led to the dawn of the most advanced civilization in the history of the universe has come at a price (a quick preemptive strike to all the sci-fi emailers: yes, there could be something else out there that has infinitely renewable laser energy, six legs and Jetsons-style Turkey Dinners In A Pill. Show me one and I’ll agree. And not on photoshop). Humans are the only species that know they’re going to die (again, no photoshop). In a way, we have to live our lives constantly ignoring the fact that at any minute, for no reason, we could be dead. Stories on the local news of pianos falling on pedestrians and Natasha Richardson’s million-to-one checkout should scare us to the point of not being able to get up and go to our job at the fuel pier. Who in their right mind is going to dock boats and man the pump-out if they could die doing it?

We need to ignore these things that could randomly kill us, especially if there’s nothing we can do about it. So when we have 24/7 news outlets and access to the rec league baseball scores in Dubai (they don’t emphasize pitching), information can spread like Hep C at a Duke Lacrosse party, and when that information can kill us, we’re all foisted by our own technological petard.

Ladies and Gentlemen: Swine Flu!