The Creepiest Product Mascots

10. The Kool-Aid Man (formerly known as Pitcher Man)
This big pitcher of juice not only causes mass destruction to buildings he’s also a pedophile.  He always hangs out with kids and pours himself into a glass for them to drink.  Also, I wouldn’t be surprised if this character was the mastermind behind all the mass suicides that occur with cults.  The conversation probably went something like this:
Cult Leader: “So last night at our weekly member meeting we got this idea about committing suicide with Kool-Aid.”
Kool-Aid Man: “OH YEAH!”
Cult Leader: “Really, you think that’s a good idea?”
Kool-Aid Man: “OH YEAH!”
Cult Leader: “Alright, I’ll tell the group.  Thanks for your support, big pitcher of juice.”
More reason to not drink the Kool-Aid.

9. The Noid (Domino’s)
If you look up the definition of “bat shit crazy” in the dictionary you will find a picture of the Noid.  Besides the dominatrix-meets-bunny-rabbit suit, which is creepy all on its own, his little wicked inaudible grunts, googily eyes and wild tongue just add to his creep factor.  The Noid is also personally responsible for making Kenneth Lamar Noid, a mentally unstable customer, believe the ads were an attack against him.  So now the Noid is not only creepy, but a complete douchebag.

8. Grimace (McDonald’s)
For years no one has been able to define what exactly Grimace is.  I can: a big purple butt plug.

7. Trojan Man
This guy has the worst timing ever.  He comes barging in on his horse right when couples are getting hot and heavy, just to offer them a condom.  Buzz kill.

6. Snuggles (Snuggle Fabric Softner)
This bear may look all cute and cuddly, but that’s just what he wants you to think.  When you’re not around, he creeps into the laundry room and get his hands on your freshly tumbled laundry.  As if that isn’t enough he buries his face into your underwear and inhales. Deeply.

5. Papa Chester Cheetah (Cheetos)
Papa Chester places his cheeto-y spell on people, who are mostly women, and makes them do things they wouldn’t normally do.  Something tells me the cheetos are laced with LSD and a sprinkle of catnip.

4. The Half Hamster Half /Half Rat Thing (Quiznos)
There are no words.  The picture is self-explanatory.

3. Joe Camel
A smoking scrotum with shades is not only creepy, but also very unsafe.

2. The Money Eyes (Geico)
They’re always watching you, making you feel guilty about not choosing Geico.  I’m sorry, but I can’t help it if Dennis Haysbert made me feel safer.

1. The Burger King
I don’t know how this guy gets into innocent people’s bedrooms, but he does.  After successfully entering the residence, he then crawls into the bed and watches you sleep, in hopes that you’ll wake up so he can shove a Burger King breakfast croissant down your throat.