Christians believe that Jesus is coming back and when he does he will resurrect the dead, judge the sinners and bring the Kingdom of God to Earth.  If his recent activity is any indicator of the lord and savior’s potentially earthly behavior, maybe he’ll skip all of that rapture business and just stop at Denny’s for a Grand Slam.

A recent sighting of the “Son of God” in the frying pan of a man cooking bacon in his London flat has us questioning why our heavenly figures are always showing up in the tastiest places. Jesus and the Virgin Mary are constantly slipping themselves onto burnt slices of bread, frying pans, potato chips and pancakes.  Devout followers and the fair-weather faithful alike usually take these incidents as a sign that Jesus is trying to impart some sort of important message about having faith or that his return to the world of the living is imminent. That’s one way to look at it.

There are those of us that know better than to blindly interpret culinary apparitions as repetitive pleas to accept Christ into our hearts before it’s too late. If Jesus wanted to tell us to repent so badly, he could just show up on TV channels other than Fox News on a regular basis or make the subway pamphlet people that much more aggressive. One has to think there’s a more practical explanation for greasy repast renderings of the King of Kings.

Did you ever stop to think that maybe Jesus is just hungry?  Perhaps the food in heaven isn’t what it’s cracked up to be or just plain sucks?  Maybe there is no food in heaven and Jesus has been trying to break through in an attempt to get even the slightest nip of your French toast.  Maybe pigs go to their own pig heaven and everyone on Cloud 9 really misses bacon. What Jesus wouldn’t do for your tasty breakfast links and some flapjacks. Jesus could be showing up on your toast in order to tell you to cherish the food you have, because there’s no pork past St Peter’s gate.

Despite all indications that “heaven” is the place you want to be, there’s a reason Belinda Carlisle sang about it being a place on earth.  For one thing, Earth has bacon, pancakes, potato chips, and omelets.  Just because food can be described as heavenly, doesn’t mean the best foods on earth are available there.