This is Claude’s story.

Claude is an oft-misunderstood, oft-misinterpreted man. The story begins with Claude robbing a bank. Not the most noble of deeds, but unless you’re rich enough to get government bailout money, who really is financially secure these days? The heist is successful. That is impressive. Have you ever robbed a bank? Fuck no! Most people in movies don’t even get away with it, but Claude did. And then we all know what happened. He gave his heart to a woman and she gave him a bullet in return. So typical. So Claude finally catches a break. He gets busted out. Savor it, because it’s the last break he’ll catch.

I don’t know much about crime, but I know this. If the cops don’t see it, you’re successful. Imagine if you pulled off crazy crime in the middle of the street in broad daylight and got away scott free. Then, while driving down the road, the cops just converge on you. HOW THE FUCK DID THEY KNOW IT WAS YOU?? I’ll tell you how: magic. There’s no other way. And when they get there, you’re screwed. You can’t even tuck the gun in your belt and try to explain it away, because the only place you can keep weapons is stuck in your hands, apparently. Not exactly tactical.

Let’s just say Claude gets hungry. He goes into a burger joint. All he wants after a day of getting harassed by the cops is a greasy meal. He attempts to order. Two issues here. First, he can’t talk. Second, HE HAS HIS GUNS STUCK TO HIS HANDS! These issues cause quite the commotion. The lady behind the counter freaks. She’s screaming, the cops are being called and hoodlums who want to kill you are flashing pieces. What are you going to do? There’s only one solution. Murder the fuck out of everybody in the place. But then suddenly YOU’RE the bad guy? What else are you supposed to do, exactly?

Girls won’t even talk to you. Which is probably because you can’t talk to them, or maybe the fact that you have to walk around with a rocket launcher on your shoulder. Either way. You’re forced to support America’s oldest profession, but what choice do you have? Now, does Claude HAVE to kill them after? Of course not. But society is not an accepting place for those with anger management outbursts. Apparently. And if a person is expected to just leave money lying around a dead hooker, then I don’t understand society at all.

Now, Liberty City is a big city. A man needs to get around. But just try to hitch a ride, not happening. So you hit up a stopped car, on the passenger side just to be safe. You’re inquiring about directions, possibly a ride. What happens? Dude jumps out the other side like he got carjacked! Now, if he’s threatened by the guns in your hands, then one could argue he was. But maybe you just wanted to know how to get to the freeway. Try telling that to the cops with two uzis in your hands. They’re pretty terrible listeners.

Basically, Claude is fucked no matter what he does. It’s not surprising at all that he resorted to violence in pretty much every situation imaginable, if you wouldn’t do the same then congratulations, you’re Amish.