The List: Nails in the Coffin – Top 30 Career Suicides
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“This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.” T.S. Eliot, known for his positivity, remarked that the dramatic explosive apocalypses depicted in fiction rarely mirrored reality, in which ends come about slowly and sadly and completely explosion-free.
Luckily, careers have been ending in a ball of flames for years. I say luckily, because the cataclysmic fall off one’s pedestal is often enjoyable for the people below. And it’s for this reason that we’re proud to present: the Top 30 Career Suicides of All Time!
30. Matt LeBlanc – At one time he received a million dollars an episode for playing Joey on Friends. However, after his spin-off “Joey” self-destructed, little as been seen from him. He lives on only in the constant Friends repeats on TBS and my VHS copy of Lost In Space.
29. Gigli – The movie that ended “Bennifer” and the acting career of J-Lo. Some of the people involved in this project will have to change their names if they want to work in movies again.
28. Lisa Novak – A former NASA astronaut drives 900 miles in a Dignity Diaper to kill her ex-lover’s (also a NASA astro-nut) new girlfriend. This sh*t practically writes itself
27. George Armstrong Custer – Nothing kills a career faster than a few thousand Lakota Indians who’ve gone scalp happy. Someone should have slipped Custer a slide rule, or an abacus, or whatever other fancy type of countin’ machine they had back then to help him figure out he didn’t take enough men on that little road trip of his to do battle with one of the largest gatherings of severely pissed off Native Americans west of the Mississippi.
26. Kevin Smith – The cult director matured a lot as a writer, director, and Hollywood hack when he made “Jersey Girl.”
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