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MOVIESThe List: Top 20 Sitcom Characters You’d Kill In Real Life
by Thane Economou
Many of the characters presented here are from shows that are exceptionally funny. And the characters themselves are hilarious. But the following 20 names represent the personality, that while funny in a sit-com environment, would be so unbelievably terrible in the real world you would most likely want to murder them.
20. Frasier Crane (Cheers and Frasier): Throw in Niles, and that pair of brothers who are hilarious on the television show, in real life would be an unbearable pair of know-it-alls who inexplicably speak in British accents.
19. Joey Gladstone (Full House): While a fun loving comic in the show, in real life he an idiot who does Rocky and Bullwinkle impersonations, and lives in a house that’s already too full, despite not being of blood relation.
18. Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm): He’s really funny on the show. But that’s half an hour at a time. Imagine being around Larry 24/7. He complains about everything, he has no people skills, and is unbearable to everyone but his fat manager. He’d be pretty, pretty, pretty annoying.
17. Cosmo Kramer (Seinfeld): He bursts into your apartment unannounced, eats your food, and dates a low talker thus forcing you to wear a puffy shirt on the Today Show. In real life, you’d have changed the locks or just plain moved by now.
16. Marie Barone (Everybody Loves Raymond): If Marie were real, maybe you wouldn’t kill her. But if she were your mother-in-law, you’d be divorced by now.
This is a terrible, terrible list. A number of the entries don’t belong on the list at all - then it *doesn’t* include Balki (Perfect Strangers) or Ted (How I Met Your Mother).
What gives?
I think Larry Appleton would be much more likely to be killed then Balki.
Homer simpson, anyone?
How could you miss Jack from WILL AND GRACE. He’s a total leech. He will leave you in the lurch when he’s distracted by some mindless, materialistic thing (living or dead). He demands center attention. He is more annoying than funny. One has to wonder why Will has put up with him all these years. Karen has most of the same problems and is worthy of death, too. Fortunately, she’s a bit more subtle about it.
Ted Baxter from THE MARY TYLER MOORE SHOW. Need I say more.
The entire family from MARRIED WITH CHILDREN. Who could bear having them live next door to them?
Ahhhh, so many characters, so few hit men. :)
Wait, so let me get this straight.. you would kill someone because they have a lisp or a light form of autism?
Phoebe? Lucy? Are you kidding me? I’d LOVE to know these two and have them as friends.
Lots of good others on the list, I must say…Urkel, Larry David. But where was Ted Baxter?
For starters, Lucy and Rickey sleep in the same bed. and another thing, Fran Fine from The Nanny is to cute to hate, laugh and all. Hottest jew ever!
Have you ever watched BigBangTheory? If Sheldon were real I probably would have been friends with him for a week before avoiding. I used to hate him, until he said he thought Dick Grayosn should claim the cowl in the new Batman comics. That won me over, now he’s my favorite part of Big Bang Theory, but that’s a HALF HOUR ONCE A WEEK of Sheldon. Much more and his idiosyncrasies would drive anyone to sharp objects.
The fact that they mention light autism is probably a way to excuse some of his behavoir. Why so serious?
Rose Nylund from ‘The Golden Girls.’ Always telling pointless, bizarrely stupid stories about St. Olaf, Minnesota and misinterpreting almost everything someone else says. Somehow she worked at a Grief Counseling Center (I bet she had a high suicide rate.)
The entire cast of ‘Hee-Haw.’ Seriously, thin the herd.
No one from Arrested Development, one of the best shows ever with some of the most hilariously effed-up characters in existence? Tobias Funke would be dead in a matter of minutes.
Wouldn’t it be easier to come up with a list of characters you WOULDN’T kill? Like … um … gimme a second here …
Kind of surprised that Schneider (from ‘One Day At a Time) didn’t make the list. Always letting himself into the apartment that’s shared by three females, including the cute as a button Valerie Bertinelli.
Your 50-80 year old writers are always relevant. Red Foxx? Archie Bunker? You guys really went back into the history of television broadcasting to get these characters whom you’d kill.
Jesus, a list without any characters from Family Guy? Really? I guess Adult Swim still owns you guys, and you’re afraid to diss anything played on their network again.
But [as] seriously said it best when responding to you guys… “Wow, your fingers are on the pulse of comedy! Unfortunately that pulse belonged to John Belushi. R.I.P. John Belushi 1949-1982″
At least I know who actually watched Frasier besides my grandparents and Kelsey Grammar. National Lampoon thinks that Frasier Crane was hilarious.
No George Kostanza? When I read the title George came immediately to mind. I know he and Larry David are essentially synonymous, but someone that annoying deserves two entries.
I agree, Kyle. Peter Griffin would be the first one to go and Quagmire would be next.
I would say South Park, as well, but that show is completely pointless and therefore irrelevant.
And the entire cast of Everyone Loves Raymond, have you ever seen a more useless group of people??? They gots to go.
Barney Stinson? Anyone?
That man deserves eternal damnation!
Love him on the show, would kill him after 10 minutes in real life!
Hm, this isn’t technically a sitcom, but I would have to hardcore murder Tim and Eric from their various shows on Adult Swim (Tim & Eric Go to the Mayor), (Tim & Eric Great Show Awesome Job!)…
Kyle, way to highlight your inability to see past your own little bubble. Do TV shows have an expiration date? Does a show become irrelevant because it’s not from the current generation? And why do you assume that the only people reading this are from your generation? I’m in my 20s by the way, but I realize you’d have to be an idiot to think that anything from Adult Swim is even in the same league as All in the Family. Oh, and Frasier was the top-rated show on tv for YEARS, so somebody was watching….
I agree with Ken, on “the entire cast of Everyone Loves Raymond”.
I’d also wipe out the entire cast of “King of the Hill”.
And let’s not forget Hyacinth Bucket from BBC’s “Keeping Up Appearances”.
I’d kill them all. Television sitcoms are retarded and made for people with no lives of their own.
Why stop at Cosmo Kramer? EVERYONE on Seinfeld, including all the guests, make me want to eat my own arm. The entire Addams family, almost everyone on family guy (save Brian and Lois - it’d be cool to have talking dog and Lois just needs an intervention), Diane on Cheers, I forget the name of (God rest him)Phil Hartman’s character on News Radio, Chrissy on Three’s Company, Thelma on Amen, Nick from Family Ties….. I could go on but I will get a life instead. :-) Obviously, I’ve seen way too much television.
I could beat almost any character from “Happy Days” to death and feel nothing but serenity.
Sheldon’s Aspergers is the reason Howard was taking a crossbow to the Arctic for 3 months. I don’t think I would kill him, but only small doses.
Peter Griffin definitely, Lois would be much better off with Brian. How about everyone on the abminations According to Jim and 2 1/2 Men? Or does the cast need to die or everyone involved.
Kill Fran Fine?! I can think of far more better things to do with her!
Kill “Friends” Phoebe? Only if she was in the line of fire as I shot Ross. The only mystery in “Friends” is how that spoiled, whiny man-child made it through ten seasons without the other characters tossing him in the Hudson.
Frasier and Niles didn’t speak with English accents, they just used very precise diction and enunciated a lot. The way they spoke is similar to the accents upper-class characters in old films would use, but they definitely were not English accents–Daphne had the English accent, not Niles or Frasier. Frasier did play a British detective in the episode Ham Radio, so he used an accent there, but other than that, it’s just upper-class, snobby American.
You left my number one, and the only one I’d actually kill, off this list: Endora, Samantha’s mother from Bewitched. She didn’t like her son-in-law’s anti-witchcraft policy, so rather than just insult or belittle him, she deviled him with black magic. As Samantha’s mortal husband, I know this would cost me my marriage, but I’d have to kill Edwina for the evil of her influence.
You left some of the most beat down worthy television characters off the list. What about Jack from Will and Grace or Jeff and Lester from Chuck? While I love both these shows, I could not interact with these people in real life. And what about Peter Griffen, just his laugh makes me want to punch him in the face. Cartman from South Park is another good choice. After he tried to exterminate the Jews Kyle should have ended him.
I can’t believe no one has mentioned Frank Burns from MASH. No one could stand him, even Margaret couldn’t stand him after they broke up. He was a spineless, trouble causing, mean spirited jerk. The show has been over for 26 years but he still came right to mind for this topic.
What about:
1. Diane Chambers (Cheers): a pompous, self-righteous snob working as a waitress at a bar??? Why hasn’t someone pointed that out to her? Or killed her? Well, Sam came close, and so did that psychotic actor played by Derek McGrath (he actually tried to strangle her in front of everyone).
2. Jill Taylor (Home Improvement): stop being a bitch, your husband’s macho man act is the reason you and your kids have food on the table. Obviously he’s not gonna be able to turn it off like a switch. Deal with it, make his supper and shut the hell up when he makes a faux pas!
3. Lisa Simpson (The Simpsons): Everyone hates know-it-alls! Especially vegetarian ones!
4. Dan Fielding (Night Court): Anyone THAT sleazy, who slept with THAT many women of questionable reputation would have been killed by an STD, if not by an angry husband.
5. Jack (Will & Grace): Even if you’re not a homophobe, anyone THAT flamboyantly hyperactive would have you going out of your mind in no time. At first, you’d tell him to go easy on the caffeine, then you’d bust a cap in his ass.
Oh, I have to add the most annoying whiner… Greg Warner and his equally pretentious wife, Kim from “Yes Dear”.
fran fine? come on, can’t you think of the one way to shut her up? she’s one incredible, edible, bedible.
Kramer would be the ONLY person from Seinfeld I would hang out with. The rest are nothing but whine, whine, complain, complain, me me me
Phoebe and Joey would be fun, party animals. And Phoebe would be high up on the list of Sitcom Characters I would like to Sleep with. Or, as we in the biz call them… she is a SCILF.
ALEX KEATON!!!!! Right wing conservative pretentious nut job!!! :-)
A great number of these characters are meant to be annoying:
Screech, Urkel, the Janitor, Carlton, Archie Bunker, Sheldon Cooper, the mother-in-law from Raymond, Kimmy Gibler, etc.
An annoying character who hangs out with the gang for no concievable reason is kind of a stock on sitcoms. The trick is if the writers can make us like the character anyways. I think in the case of Sheldon, they pull that off very well, and Carlton and the Janitor have their redeeming moments and the protagonist couldn’t exist without them. Carlton gives Will contrast and is invaluable to him in certain situations (whether directly or indirectly), the Janitor gives JD advice, I think (haven’t watched the show in a long, long time).
Cindy being a b*tch in real life has nothing to do with anything.
The ones that provide some insight: Pheobe (yeah, she’s awful), Roseanne (she’s lower class but ever-so-annoying), Joey Gladstone (the show’s pretty bad if the guy who’s there solely for comic relief makes you want to shoot him), Frasier (yeah, much less likeable in real life than in the situation of comedies, I agree), Larry David (true).
I also just plain disagree about Lucy Ricardo. She’s f*ed up Ricky’s act here and there, but on the whole, she’s probably more good than bad for him. Also, maybe it’s his fault for not accomodating her acting bug in the first place. He’s not exactly very good at preventing her from carrying out her schemes to begin with, and therein lies the comedy.
also, Kramer straddles the line somewhere between (duh, he’s supposed to be annoying) and more annoying than he was meant to be. All the seinfeld characters are people you’d want to shoot.
I was thinking if you’re gonna put in the janitor, how about cliff claven?
Actually, I would probably get a kick out of Michael Scott as a boss. The one person from The Office I would absolutely demolish is Dwight Schrute. I’ve actually blown up at self-important co-workers who were at the same level as me yet felt like they had the authority to tell me what to do. One over-ambitious bastard (who later claimed to have been “gearing himself up for an inevitable managerial position at the company”) I put in his place so bad, he was actually crying at the lunch break. So yeah, Dwight I’d probably beat into a bloody pulp, whether he has a belt in taekwondo or not.
where the hell is arthur spooner from king of queens>>>>>>>>>>>>
there are a shit load of whinging bitches in the comments section i’d kill.
Sorry Bates, Lucy and RIcky did NOT sleep in the same bed on the show. EVER. THe first married couple to share a bed was Mike and Carol Brady in The Brady Bunch. Lucy and Ricky had twin beds.
I would have to say the the David Brent (From the English office) as I had the misfortune to work in an actual office when this show was on and was subjected to hours of who would be who in the show.
The whole friends cast deserve death if for no other reason than creating a New York of devoid of Black, Hispanic, Arabic, Chinese people. I’m from a small town in the middle of England and even I know you cannot walk 10 feet in the big apple without meeting an immigrant or ethnic minority let alone get a cab. Also no one in the show appears to use the subway.
I know this is not a sitcom but I feel Moisha would be the most annoying person in the world to live near or go to school with. The same goes for sister sister.
Sabrina the teenage witch, whilst annoying is sexy (so too her aunts) so you can be forgiven for watching the show so long as the sound is down and you are not wearing pants.
Who do I see about getting my £10 back for American pie 2–3-4-5? I’ll cover the popcorn but I want the ticket price refunded.
Joey. Enough said.
John Ritter if he wasn’t already dead (I’ve owed him a slap since the 1990 for problem child)
Ally Mcbeal would get it if you had to work with her or heaven forbid be defended by her.
Jim (Derby, England)
That’s about it for now. Thanks for the soap box, I’ll get down now.
All of the “Desperate Housewives” deserve to die.
Susan is almost a modern day Lucy.
Gaby thinks of no one than herself.
Lynette is a fictional version of “Kate”.
(Speaking of which, kill her too).
Bree is just so evil underneath that fake smile of hers.
Seriously, if I lived on Wisteria Lane, I’d think about moving constantly.
What about Kenny?
(Southpark)
wow…no one has mentioned GREGORY HOUSE!! I adore him on the show, but in real life, if a doctor treated my dying relative that way, I would kill him…not that he hasn’t been shot at before…..
Katie Couric please, but can I have ten minutes with the body before you call the coroners?
This list has failed for the simple omission of Peggy Hill.
What about those annoying arrogant spoiled brats on Gossip Girl? Ive only watched one episode of that show to find out what all the fuss was about and it was painful to watch. Theyre all heinous horrid people! Id also be tempted to kill the douchebag doctors on House, Nip/Tuck (Christian Troy), and Greys Anatomy.
Sorry CP, I stated to have the entire cast of “King of the Hill” annihilated. Didn’t know I had to call them out by name.
as a scrubs fan there are characters besides janitor i might kill like bob kelso or Dr. Cox, and charlie on 21/2 men and that annoying kid jake.
I wouldn’t kill Sheldon Cooper. I love Nerds, I don’t mind about his manias and I have some strange things like he has.
And Lisa Simpson? Are you kidding me?! She’s the best thing in this show! Everyone is stupid only she has brains. But, I like very much Marge and Maggie, too, they’re great, they can think as a person also Lisa can.
This is a list of SITCOM characters, which does not include House, Grey’s, Nip/Tuck, Desperate Housewives, Gossip Girl, and the others mentioned. This also did not include animated comedies as they are not SITCOMS. If there were another list including those from TV overall, then this list would be incomplete, but as it stands it’s near perfect.
EVERYONE on The King of Queens?
I love Lucy and Phoebe, they’re so cute! Lucy is from 50’s, who cares? And Phoebe singing is horrible but who cares? They’re nice, I like them very much.
This list is really, really not very good. Many of the characters aren’t all that annoying, and a few of them (mainly female characters) are targeted for their voices, and for essentially not being very feminine. And what’s with saying that a likely-autistic character would be killed if he existed?
If this list were something more like, “TV characters I’d avoid in real life,” (and therefore implying, correctly, that this list is about YOU, and not about what you think other people would think), then sure, I’d accept this list as reasonable. But not with its current, rather offensive title and implications.
@Rowan: sorry, but I distinctly remember that Mike & Carrol Brady did NOT share the same bed
the first couple to be shown sharing the same bed was Fred & Wilma Flintstone
the first “real” couple was Herman & Lily Munster
I would kill every character on Family Guy (even those who didn’t deserve it) and I would kill Seth MacFarlane for good measure
I wouldn’t kill everyone on King of the Hill — just Peggy
while The Janitor is certainly dangerous, most of the time he’s harmless
I think JD is the closest thing to a friend he has, it’s just that he has very poor social skills
Rowan and Bates are both right. Lucy and Ricky had seperate beds and shared a bed. Depends on which episodes you were watching.
@Eric: Mike & Carol Brady DID INDEED share the same bed! It must be a long time since you’ve seen the Brady Bunch. As for the 1st “real” couple, I believe it was Ralph & Alice Kramden (The Honeymooners).
Okay, this is a f*cked up list. Really it is. This is the most outrageous sh*t I ever heard. These people may have been annoying, but there isnt a damn thing you can do about it, so shut the hell up with your whining and griping. And the shows are old too! Comedy from those generations and this generation are sooo different. I mean really, just shut the f*ck up and live your life, there isnt a damn thing you can do about it, so why are you complaining? And furthermore, the characters arent real, so why are you worrying, f*cking pricks. Get to know the actors, not the characters, maybe your opinion would be different.
It’s a shame this is limited to sit-coms. Who wouldn’t want to kill the sexist-racist Dr. House. Or how about Horatio Cane the next time he takes off his sunglasses in the middle of a sentence. (Indoors at that.)
I think that if Uncle Phil and I knew each other in real life, and he was an authoirity figure, I’d kill him. I’d kill him and the butler.
And I’d rather kill Cici than Fran.
I also agree with the family guy thing. Peter griffin should be number one. He went from being such a lovable, cute and funny character in the first three seasons to being such an evil, stupid and totaly unfunny asshole who loves to act like he knows everything despite ALWAYS being wrong. He such an enormous ass. He really is the definition of douchebag.
He truly is deserving of a slow and horrible death.
Marie barone should be number two.
Gilligan was a good choice though.