Things You Didn’t Wanna Hear

by Jay Pinkerton

“Good news! I think I found the rest of you baby!”

“Usually we can get rid of them - but they laid the eggs under your eyelids, so we’re sort of out of tricks…”

“Whoa, looks like the elevator’s stuck. Guess we’ll just have to wait it out, huh? Hi, I’m Jamie Kennedy.”

“And the best part is, he’s your brother! So I won’t even have to change the last name on my checks!”

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Yeah, George Carlin was a genius all right! In this stunning ripoff to his material, the only thing you forgot to do was to actually make them funny!
Does National Lampoon pay for this stuff? I mean, the cover story about “sandwiches”. WTF? If this is the case, please let the Lampoon die and stick to your individual blogs so the people you make laugh by shoving pencils up your noses can twitter your newest material.