Welcome to Canada, Eh?

Geography

Most Americans assume Canada is a barren snow-covered wasteland. And it is! That’s why most Canadians live at the very bottom of it-think of us as spooning with America for warmth!

So: say you’re going to move to Canada after all. Have you thought about which part? Did you know that Canada even has different parts? Probably not. And we’re totally okay with that. That’s why we’ve given you the quickest possible overview below. We’re very sorry to take up so much of your time with this:

The Part Where No One Lives
Think: barren wasteland
Populated by: several lunatics

West Coast
Think: LA, minus the Mexicans and with more hash
Populated by: pot-smoking hackysack enthusiasts

The Prairies
Think: the Bible belt, but duller
Populated by: shotgun-toting, rodeo-loving cowboys

Ontario
Think: private school kids with public school educations
Populated by: Upwardly mobile Canadians, which is even less impressive than it sounds

Quebec
Think: France, except closer and more difficult to ignore
Populated by: French people, sadly

The Maritimes
Think: Ireland with lobsters
Populated by: drunk, out of work little people