Why a Middle School Girl Loves Facebook, or Why I Quit Facebook

Why a Middle School Girl (Probably) Loves Facebook, or Why I Quit Facebook

14 October 2011 View Comments

By alexjmann
Alex Mann is a writer based in New York City. Indecisiveness is probably his best and worst quality. You can follow him on Twitter @alexjmann

After being on Facebook since its inception, I quit. A middle school girl wouldn’t do this. Here’s how I’d like to think we differ:

GIRL: Facebook is the only good social network.

ME: I’m investing time in this other social network people don’t use anymore: Reality.

GIRL: Facebook friends mean you’re popular.

ME: The Facebook deactivation screen showed pictures of my friends. I knew none of them.

GIRL: Facebook lets me update friends on clothes, Glee, Farmville…

ME: Facebook is shallow and narcissistic. I prefer to talk about myself in person.

GIRL: I’m always on Facebook.

ME: 100% of my time on Facebook was stalking pictures of my ex’s friend. 0% everything else.

GIRL: Facebook is where I first chatted my boyfriend.

ME: My ex’s friend wouldn’t go out with me because my ex would find out on Facebook.

GIRL: How else will I keep up with my friends’ birthdays?

ME: If you’re not on Facebook, your birthday didn’t happen.

GIRL: If I’m feeling sad, I talk about it on Facebook.

ME: I’m able to resolve personal issues without posting inspirational quotes from Sex and the City.

GIRL: Even my parents are on Facebook.

ME: My parents told me about their divorce on Facebook: “Look son, it’s complicated.”

GIRL: My dad and I are Facebook friends!

ME: Facebook is the only place where it’s not that weird to get poked by your father.

GIRL: I like writing on my crush’s wall

ME: I wrote on enough walls in jail

GIRL: I’d never quit Facebook. I don’t have a reason to.

ME: Fuck it. I’m going back to MySpace.

Posted in articles, headline, Pop

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