Your Mustache Is Not Ironic
National Lampoon has been the leading voice of biting satire since its inception. Over the last 30 years we've gone comedy high brow, low brow and eye brows. No one is safe because we are winners.
By Mike Rosolio
It started with Anchorman. Costarring alongside Will Ferrell and Paul Rudd was a trend from the seventies that was as ubiquitous as coke spoons and tight slacks: the mustache. Then, you had Hot Rod, a film who’s humor may have entirely revolved around strange looking facial hair. When Adam Morrison’s tears, invoked by Gonzaga’s loss in the NCAA tournament, were sopped up by a wispy forest beneath his nose, it was officially on. Before you know it, every mediocre improv troupe had at least one guy with a big fat stache to make up for his lack of humor otherwise. Googling ‘funny mustache’ yields 54,000 results.
The hipsters call it An Ironic Mustache.
The trouble is, they only seem to know what ‘mustache’ means.
Irony is very difficult to define briefly, but essentially revolves around a series of coincidence of which the participants are not aware. Irony is not going across town to kill your ex-wife and getting stuck in traffic; it’s when the ex-wife kills you before you get in your car. Little did you know, the die had already been cast. Ironic characters are based upon their lack of self awareness. Take any character played by Steve Carell, Danny McBride, and Ben Stiller and you see at least an attempt at actual irony. None of them know what they’re doing.
You knew what you were doing when you grew that 8th grade cheese-stache.
A common turn of phrase, “I meant it ironically” is mostly paradoxical. True irony is mostly unintentional.
“Indeed,” says the guy in skinny jean-capris, the child’s tee shirt with cardigan tied around the neck and big fat neon 80s shades under a Minnesota Wild cap. “You see I know this looks terrible, and I’m acting like I think it looks good.” For starters, your trip to the Safeway is not going on your IMDB. Secondly, by attempting to look terrible, you’ve attempted to look fashionably so, thusly thinking this looks as good as it possibly can. You’re not making an effort to stand out as stupid looking, but look so disheveled and odd that women with PBR tattoos go, “Wow, look how wonderfully bad he looks. Let’s blow him.” Intentional irony doesn’t result in people getting laid; it ends with the person laughing maniacally that he pulled one over on the rest of the world. Andy Kaufman was the king of intentional irony, reading books and just taking naps during comedy shows, to such a degree that to this day people believe he faked cancer just to mess with the world.
Let’s get back to the mustache.
We’ve already established that people attempt irony for a positive effect. Enter Socrates:
-I’m wearing this mustache because I want people to think it’s funny.
-I want people to think it’s funny so I can bang those of my choosing.
Therefore…
-You’re wearing that mustache so you can bang those of your choosing.
Strangely enough, that was the intention of the dudes in the 1970s as well. We’ve got a nation of young people all feeling the pressure to grow facial hair in an attempt to get as laid as possible. That which was cheesy looking and out is now very in. The fact that humor is involved is sort of irrelevant, and the wearer doesn’t seem to be the least bit aware of it.
Hmm. Maybe that mustache is ironic after all.
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