It seems as if Chris Brown has started a new chapter in his life, one that includes just as much violence as his last chapter.  If you forgot or need a little refresher on Chris Brown’s history of violent behavior, here’s a little update:
Right around two years ago, Chris Brown decided that beating women sounded way more fun than rapping and getting paid millions of dollars to dance around and pretend to be the “next Michael Jackson”, so he beat up Rihanna. While he thoroughly enjoyed his brutal attack on …

There’s a special time in everyone’s life when they go through a process of self-discovery. For Beyonce, this was when she discovered that she was really a Nigerian musician. In a current issue of L’Officiel, Beyonce discovers her roots and goes through this awkward stage in front of the entire world.

But first it’s time that we take a look back into the past of a young girl growing up believing that she was destined to grow up to be just another white girl, while inside she was really an African …

It’s time for another installment in the Self-Help series brought to you by National Lampoon. With Valentine’s Day just behind us, it’s fitting that we take an in depth look at the reasons why you may have spent this glorious holiday, sad, alone, and masturbating to old episodes of 21 Jump Street. We have consulted top experts in the field of “single-studies” (an academic off shoot of Feminism) to aid us in our study. We have condensed our years of research conveniently into a top 10 list for your reading …

With new years resolutions being quickly forgotten or abandoned for better things, beer and bitches, it’s time for us to pick up a resolution we can actually keep. A resolution that even the simplest of people, Mormons, can achieve. We’ve got to start striving for things that are actually within our grasps, not those that we cannot possibly accomplish. That means no more telling kids to strive for their hopes and dreams, because honestly, they are not possible, and they will probably grow up to become child molesters and tribal …

As humans, we have always had this animalistic urge to mate with the opposite sex in order to procreate, and gain pleasure of the highest degree; however, these things are about to undergo a drastic change. But, how could millions of years of primal instinct suddenly be repressed? Well, thanks to fashion experts, (those who could not forge a career in any other sector of the working world as their skill set is limited, similar to those with Down’s Syndrome and Parkinson’s) a dark time has come upon us. Yes, …

The end is near. The Rapture is upon us. We have nothing left to do but drink, steal, and make sweet love to anyone and everyone of legal consent. That’s right, the Astrological Sign system has been turned on its head, and we are left to wallow in its mighty Zodiac power. Here’s just a preview of what is to come, in a top 5 list:

5. Dating will never be the same, who will match up with the new Ophiuchus? How will we be able to procreate without the means …

There have been cinematic masterpieces in the past, but none quite compare to Black Swan; not even the work of Spielberg himself can reach the level of excellence this film has brought to theaters nationwide. There is truly only one thing that can even come close to this wondrous creation of the modern world. That beautiful thing is horseshit, which both puts off a delightfully pungent odor, and clings to your shoes providing you with endless enjoyment.

Examining the plot will certainly bring happiness and enlightenment (similar to Buddhism) for years …

Forget all the news about the senator shooting and the homeless man with a golden voice; this is the real pressing news. We’ve been waiting on a day like this since the Sumerians were genetically engineered by an ancient alien race to serve as gold farmers in order to satisfy their planet’s atmospheric need for this metallic ore. That’s right, reports say that Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are back together.

On Friday night, they were spotted bumping and grinding like it was 2010. One witness was quoted saying, “It was …

Upon awaking in your average pajamas, in your average bed, and in your average house, have you ever thought, “Could my life be average?” Well, the sad truth is, it is. You’ve been living in a life full of ordinary, stranded in a world where nothing seems out of the norm. But, now it’s time to break out; it’s time to start a new, exciting life. Finally there will be no more monotony to your sad, pathetic, little existence. You will be set free.

How, you ask? Well, in recent times, …

Just when America thought its president had the skills to pay the bills, it turns out they were dead wrong. They just needed someone to speak out, and who better than Sir Charles Barkley to step up to mic. According to the former NBA superstar, “Barack Obama ain’t nothin’ but a busta.” “I’ve seen better skills at the Special Olympics, and those people are retarded.”

Apparently, Obama’s recent highly publicized game of basketball showed some weaknesses in the president’s game, obviously the most important aspect of his character and a huge …