Entries by Kira Jane Buxton


Scientists Bring Back Dodo From Extinction For The Fourth Time

“Scientist leading ‘de-extinction’ effort says Harvard team could create hybrid mammoth-elephant embryo in two years” – Hannah Devlin, The Guardian, 2017 Through a process that required a great deal of knowing things, scientists at the Association For Scientific Spectacles (ASS) have found success with their fourth attempt at bringing back the Dodo.   “We are […]


Wine Reviews By A Sommelier In The Midst Of A Heinous Breakup

Palazzo Lucca 2008 Lamprey-Stuffed River Pinot Grigio Frutti Di Spazzatura; $24:   Light-bodied, racy with generous zip and a fruit-forward zestiness. It becomes sublime as it opens, conjuring memories of better times with Lisa. There is an unexpected elegance—utterly seductive, fair and immediately pleasing to the eye and groin. This wine’s length, however, has been […]


An Open Letter To Cilantro

Dear Cilantro,    Touché. You’ve done it again.   What, you ask with nopey indifference? What has caused me to hurl steak knives and tear at my tongue while crying out to my wisp of a waiter and a faceless God who obviously gives zero shits about my gustatorial despair? Why am I sitting here, […]


Hearing To Determine Grizzly Bear’s Eligibility In Schools

SENATOR BERNIE SALAMANDER: (D-VA): The watering hole will come to order. This is the hearing to consider the nomination for a grizzly bear to be allowed nationwide access to schools. We will be extending the “Golden Rule”, a courtesy that was once shown to me which involves urinating directly onto one another in a presidential […]


Wine Pairings With Household Chores

According to people who make science, housecleaning affords the precise level of pleasure as time spent in a North Korean prison. You are far too fabulous and important to suffer in this manner. The following is a guide to help you find the perfect wine companion for each chore. Here’s to making your housecleaning more […]