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Paul Ryan's Other Teenage Dreams

“So Medicaid, sending it back to the states, capping its growth…
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Spring Broke: Your Cheap Destination Guide

(Your Guide To Fun, Inexpensive Places To Visit For Spring Breakers…
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A Timeline of the Development of the Modern Democracy

  1294 B.C.E. – Egyptian scribes break the first-ever…
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Animated Movies To Properly Prepare Kids For the Real World

Finding Chemo The Little Barmaid Stuck In A Dead End Job The…
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Guided Meditations For The Trump Era

In light of recent political events, we’ve updated our app…
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Every Emoji Is a Dick Emoji

You've probably heard the old adage "the eggplant emoji is…
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Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area's Premiere Beer Garden.

Menu Bar Snacks Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs If we're…
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Lepre-Caan's St. Patrick's Day Tips

No Pushing And Shoving At The Bar! A snub-nosed 38 pressed into…
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Signs That You Have March Madness

Seemingly are running a high fever, but in actually have simply…
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Most Anticipated New Reality Shows

Extreme Vetting  Join America’s most extreme veterinarian,…
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Unwanted Virtual Reality "Brand Experiences"

 The FedEx Immersive Apartment Feel like you’re actually…
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Animatronic Donald Trump's Executive Orders From Disney's Hall of Presidents

Inside Disney’s Hall of Presidents attraction, 44 animatronic…
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Trump Administration Revised Terror Watch List

Nordstrom Australia Meryl Streep Cast…
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5 Ways to Spice up Your Relationship with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak

Every serious relationship goes through dry spells. It’s…
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Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner

President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
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The Hottest Travel Destinations on TRAPPIST-1

In our present day, when it may be best to evacuate Earth, NASA…
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Kellyanne Conway's Guide To White House Etiquette

When squatting on the Oval Office couch as if it were a piece…
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The 17 Best Articles to Binge Read This Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras, aka Fat Tuesday, is a day of excess before the sober…
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Other Big Goofs From Last Night's Oscars

Arms on Oscar statues held on with Scotch tape. Jimmy…
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Trumped Oscar Films

The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…
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How To Tell If You're Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room

Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka's sassy…
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Other Surefire Ways to Get Kicked Out of CPAC

  Organizers for the Conservative Political Action Conference…
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President Trump's Black History Month Checklist

☐  Why no White History Month? Have someone look into that. ☐…
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TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet

The administration's defense secretary said Trump may reduce…
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White House, Dirty Laundry: Presidential Sick Habits

Sure, everyone knows that Taft was stuck in a bathtub, JFK banged…
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What Happened 'Last Night In Sweden'

Here's what President Trump was talking about when he mentioned…
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Reasons Why I Imagine You Didn’t “Like” My Post

You didn’t see it. You like to space out your “likes,”…
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Sports Illustrated: The Lesser Known Specialty Issues

Sure, you know the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition".…
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White House Valentine's Day Cards

        …
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Mike Flynn Phone Calls

The Trump Administration has more phone call problems. (Now…
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Rejected Candy Hearts

Your Fist Is On My List Four Fingers?!? Please?…
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The Grammys Drinking Game

To play, tune in to The Grammys on CBS at 8pm and simply take…
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5 Ways To Repurpose Aging Supermodels Into Minimalist Home Decor

As our runway models age, we ask ourselves, “What do I do with…
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Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…
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Rudy Giuliani’s Cyber Security Tips

As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy…
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Other Things That The Kremlin Would Like An Apology For

President Trump's interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News really…
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Bowling Green Massacre and Our All-Time Favorite Kellyanne Conway Lies

So now Kellyanne Conway is referring to a "Bowling Green Massacre",…
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Trump Calls to World Leaders

President Donald J. Trump reportedly became angry during a telephone…
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Does The Mile High Club Still Count if My Plane Has Been Missing Since 2014?

Guess what, man? I totally did it! Mile high club, baby! Yes!…
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Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes

Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes as a Special Correspondent.…
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Upcoming Movie Crossovers

Let's face facts, Hollywood is running out of ideas. Well, not…
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Super Bowl Vegas Odds

Experts predict close to $5 billion will be bet on Sunday's Super…
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Naughty NASA Pickup Lines

Do you want to ask out that special crush, but scared she’ll…
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Other Trump Executive Orders You Might Have Missed

New trade agreement discussions with Chile ("Mostly because I…
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How The Obamas Spent Their Vacation In The British Virgin Islands

When the Obamas departed from the White House on January 20th,…
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Alternate ways of paying for the wall

Now that Mexico has refused to pay for the wall that the Trump…
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White House Confidential: Overheard During Trump’s First Week In Office

Anyone got a thesaurus? I’m running out of synonyms for the…
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2017 Ethics: Punching a Nazi and Other Acceptable Acts

Punching a Nazi Putting an empty milk carton back into…
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Trump's Other Changes To The White House Website

Trump wasn't in office for even a day when he made several notable…
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Alternatives to Alternative Facts

The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House,…
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BuzzFeed for Dads

19 Nose Hair Trimmers Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Love Life. 27…
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Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School

Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class) Conor was pretty much the…
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Women's March on Washington Pick-up lines

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You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies. So,…
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Most Common Tattoos Spotted at the Trump Inauguration

Demonic/zombie bald eagle with dead dove in it's mouth: 174 Rebel…
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Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration

Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women,…
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Washington, D.C. Travel Guide for Trump Supporters

Tens of thousands of Donald Trump supporters will be flocking…
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The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears

Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what's the REAL…
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Obama Sticky Notes

Sticky notes that President Obama has left around Washington…
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GOP Affordable Care Replacement Ideas

Don't despair, folks! All is not lost! Just mostly...   Quit…
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The Real Reasons That Ringling Bros Are Shutting Down

Bankrupt after having to bail out so many clowns who had been…
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Jason Vorhees' Camp Crystal Lake Etiquette

1. Look, we know why you're here. You're going to have sex. And…
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Notable lines from Donald Trump's upcoming Inaugural Address

"Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what your country…
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How to Explain a Golden Shower to an Evangelical

It's like the story of Noah and the Flood, but God is a high-priced…
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Donald Trump Reviews Overrated Meryl's Top Films

Kramer Vs. Kramer Overrated Meryl won an Academy Award for her…
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Golden Globe Categories That Don't Make it to Air

Best Performance By An Actor/Actress Trying To Bounce Back From…
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Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community

  Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…
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9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out. 2. These…
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Reality Shows of the Dictators

PUTIN YOU ON "Smile!  You're on Candid Comrade!"  The playful…
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Mariah Carey's Excuses For Her Horrible NYE Performance

Distracted by the horribly intense yeast infection brought on…
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Grim Reaper’s 2016 Party Gets Outta Control

Looks like someone can’t get enough celebrating this year,…
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What ABC Isn't Telling You About The Bachelor

More robots per episode than an entire season of Westworld. The…
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Trump's Definitions of Common, Everyday Political Terms

President-Elect Trump recently referred to the UN as simply "a…
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Useless Tinder Rip-Offs

Just in time for the horrible, lonely holidays! Here Come The…
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7 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Reading This Click Bait Article

1) You’ve been had! There’s no nudity here, pal. Why don’t…
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Christmas Gifts The Trump’s Asked From Santa

The Declaration of Independence, for Ivanka to use as coasters…
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Daily Planner Schedule For The Elf On The Shelf

9:30 am Tinkle into the dishwasher's detergent container. 10:15…
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Donald Trump's Pre-Tweet Crib Sheet

Mr. President-Elect Trump, please always refer to the following…
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10 Lesser Known Award Shows Nominees

Tis the season for award show nominees. Here are the few, the…
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Least Clicked On Fake News Stories

Creator Of CB Radio Sets Own Buttocks On Fire Nazi Scientists…
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Hard To Fill Help Wanted Ads

NOW HIRING: Reverse Psychologist  You don’t really want this…
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My TripAdvisor

“Had Reservations Before We Made Reservations” ★★☆☆☆ Reviewed…
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Least-Purchased Cyber Monday Deals

Gummers' Eve douche for the elderly, pack of 24 for $8.99 "Extrava-Danza!…
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Most Anticipated Moments From The 2016 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

New England Patriots mascot balloon not inflated properly, falls…
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Thanksgiving Family Conversation Starters

"So, let's all take turns saying what we're thankful for, and…
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The Trump Presidency, The First 100 Days

ObamaCare replaced by TrumpCare (first-aid kit, bottle of off-brand…
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Rosy-Cheeked Residents of the Bizarro Earth Are Thankful For...

President-Elect Michelle Obama not only soundly defeating Donald…
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How to Be a White Ally Without All the Hassle

Are you distressed about the results of the recent presidential…
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Steve Bannon, Really? He Doesn’t Even Make My List of Top 5 Favorite Nazis

  I gotta tell you: I’m real disappointed with the…
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So You're Moving To Another Country...

What Now? Things To Consider:   1) Don't Go From…
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Election Night Comforting Thoughts

Regardless of who ultimately wins, the night of the Presidential…
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Very Last Minute Election Surprises

Adak, Alaska has the pleasant distinction of being home to the…
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Election Day Voting Checklist

Are you ready to make the arduous journey to your local voting…
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Notes From Hillary's Diary

For the next week leading up to the election, Hillary Clinton…
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Mike Pence's Thoughts As The Plane Skidded Around

Republican Vice Presidential candidate Mike Pence was in a plane…
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Melania's Whistle-Stop Tour

The odd, little out of the way places that Trump's campaign advisors…
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TrumpTV: 15 Shows He Will Remake For His New Network

We got ahold of the transcripts from his meetings with network…
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Can We Guess Your Age As Part Of A Deeply Sinister Population Control Program?

It's time for us to come clean, readers. Now that the cat…
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Surprise Guests of the 3rd 2016 Presidential Debate!

Today's CNN report cited the guests invited to tonight debate…
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Internal Trump Campaign Emails From Last Weekend

+++++++++++++ Friday, Oct. 7, 2016 3:35 pm From: Donald To:…
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Kellyanne Conway Word Association

Who is this mysterious woman, Kellyanne Conway? The woman behind…
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The Upcoming Calendar Of Mr. Kenneth Bone

Ken Bone cares about America. If you think he's just at the Town…
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Trump's Other Favorite Sputnik News Stories

Donald Trump recently began citing a Kremlin funded news website…
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Other Times That Billy Bush's Shenanigans Have Landed Him in Hot Water

Forget about Trump! What about that little scoundrel, Billy Bush? His…
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Town-Hall Debate Drinking Game

Do a shot every time that:   Donald Trump attempts…
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Fallout Events From the Trump Video

  In a surprise move the Tic-Tac organization chooses…
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Donald Trump's Excuses For Not Paying His Taxes

It's Hillary's fault. He's done plenty of other illegal…
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Hustler Magazine's Reasons Why Donald Trump Should Be Our Next President

USA Today has come out against Trump. As is of course their right. To…
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What Trump Did Right During the Debate

Didn't bite anyone. (on-stage at least; and even Reagan took…
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Questions Rejected From Being Used During The Clinton / Trump Debate

  "Senator Clinton, is it true that ISIS unfriended you…
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5 Valuable Life Lessons I Learned Managing the 837 Checking Accounts Wells Fargo Opened for Me

If there’s one thing I learned from watching movies about other…
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Items Purchased With Misappropriated Trump Foundation Funds

Human centipede made up of losers from past seasons of The Apprentice. [$20K…
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Top FAQs On The Ashley Madison Site

If I catch an STD from one of the dates provided by your site,…
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Highlighted Excerpts of Interest From the FBI's Investigation of Hillary's Emails

"... just saying, if someone is being paid to give me a proper…
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Top Five Tips for Selecting Babies from the Hospital Nursery

Who isn’t an animal lover? Our pets are our best friends, our…
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Fall Movie Preview

It's fall, time to wave goodbye to the people shooting at you…
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What Will it Take to Get Anthony Weiner to Stop Sexting?

There are only a few viable scenarios that appear likely:   His…
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10 Other Things Ryan Lochte Also "Over Exaggerated"

After the Olympic games closed, Ryan Lochte's mom discovered…
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In Defense of Heather Bresch and EpiPen Price Hike

People are chomping at the bit, demanding blood and worse from…
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Real, Genuine Reasons Donald J. Trump Is Refusing To Release His Tax Returns

Accidentally spilled a two liter of Big Red soda onto the form,…
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Non-Televised Rio Olympics Events

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100m Police Chase Rusty Wire Fence Hurdles Smoke-Grenade…
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Trump’s Olympic Demonstration Sports

Ratings for the 2016 Olympics were way down from the London 2012…
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The Endings Of Those Novels You Were Supposed To Read Over The Summer

A new school year is fast approaching, and I'm willing to bet…
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Signs Trump Is Actually Losing It

Recently paid workers for a job he hired them to perform. Gave…
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Six Republican Men You’d Totally Invite into the Bathroom with Your Daughter

We’ve all been there: watching your young daughter walk into…
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DNC Drinking Game!

Drink every time someone says that they are NOT Donald Trump Drink…
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Duties of Those Cleaning the Convention Center Following the RNC

Repair porta potty glory holes Contact landfill re: thousands…
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Tasty Items For Sale At The RNC Concession Stands

Trump Roast $74.50 Baloney. Lots and lots of roasted baloney.…
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GOP Convention Drinking Game!

Drink every time the camera pans to an overweight woman in a…
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Four Strange Things Found in Michelle Obama's 2008 DNC Speech

With all this fuss about plagiarism from Melania Trump's RNC…
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The Real Reasons Behind The Female Ghostbusters Backlash

1) Most Ghostbusters fan-boys are more scared of women than they…
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Least Coveted Raffle Prizes

Cursed monkey hand Do-It-Yourself Human Centipede Kit $25 gift…
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Failed Made-Up Names Before They Settled on Brexit

 Great Escapain' Eng-leave Great Bail-in' Boris, Farage,…
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Whore-O-Scope

[Prostitutional Premonitions] Aries (March 21- April 19) You…
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Handy-Dandy Tips On Staying Safe From Shark Attacks

While swimming, find a shark and wrestle it to submission.  …
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Tips For A Fun, Massacre-Free Backyard Barbecue

No need to be as lax as the US Govt's gun-purchasing policies.;…
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Classic Romantic Comedies If They Were Set In 2016

1. When Harry Met Sally   Instead of it taking Harry…
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What's On The DVR?

Pixar Presents Keeping Up With The CARdashians Disney's…
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Letters That Dear Abby Stopped Reading After One Sentence

Dear Abby, As a longtime fan of your column, as well as someone…
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A Few Examples of When It’s Okay, Even Advisable, To Report Your Neighbor To The Police

His only contributions to the block garage sale are always…
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Things Paul Ryan Would Endorse For President Before Donald Trump

Speaker of the House Paul Ryan announced this week that he would…
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Popular Prom Themes For 2016

1) Oxy Pads & Oxycontin 2) The Waltzing Dead 3) MTV's Teen…
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Most Referenced FAQs on the Cialis Website

1) Will Cialis work even if my partner and I have grown to despise…
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Expert Tequila Taste Test

Tequila is the name of a distilled beverage from Mexico, made…