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NOTES TO EINSTEIN (Everything is Relative)

What if Einstein's theory of relativity got notes from TV execs,…
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Exorcising the Penis Demons: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 4)

“Blessed are the Vaginas, for they…
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Dead Sea Scroll Excerpts That Seem To Suggest Jesus Also Made Great Hummus

Cave #1, Scroll #2, Section II:   The man known as Jesus…
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The Aussie-American War – Letters from the Front

June 23, 2017 – Camp Pendleton, CA Dear Mom, Today,…
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Missing Excerpts From JFK's Diary

JFK's handwritten diary is going up for auction, and after years,…
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Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area's Premiere Beer Garden.

Menu Bar Snacks Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs If we're…
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How to be a Dick Without Having One: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 3)

 PUBLIC SERVICE DISCLAIMER TO ALL DISGRUNTLED “PENIS CUSTODIANS”: Dear…
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Today’s Applied Math Lecture

Today, class, you’re going to learn about the Knaster procedure.…
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Proactiv Introduces Humbling Cream, Which Gives Pimples to Cool Kids

EL SEGUNDO, CALIFORNIA—Acne medication company Proactiv today…
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Censored Sexy Pics: Angry Vagina and Her Dating App (Part 2)

Once upon a time, right about now, there is a legendary hero…
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I Swear to God, If I Hear “Be Our Guest” In This Castle One More Time I’m Going To Kill Something

Damn it, Lumière. Every single time we have guests over you…
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Wine Reviews By A Sommelier In The Midst Of A Heinous Breakup

Palazzo Lucca 2008 Lamprey-Stuffed River Pinot Grigio Frutti…
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Give Peas a Chance

/
ENOUGH! Alright, kids. Listen up. I’ve been listening to you…
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Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner

President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
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The Hottest Travel Destinations on TRAPPIST-1

In our present day, when it may be best to evacuate Earth, NASA…
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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…
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Obama Wire Tapping

What President Obama overheard while tapping Donald Trump's phone…
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Why haven’t you opened your ecard yet??

Darling, I sent you a Valentine ecard two weeks ago but I checked…
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Thanks For Your Patreon Payment!

My Good Friend Anthony, Thanks for sponsoring my creative…
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45 Things More Shameful Than Having Your Identity Stolen at Arby's

Nope. Sorry, you blew it. You came here expecting a list of…
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An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy

Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll…
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An Open Letter To Cilantro

Dear Cilantro,    Touché. You’ve done it again.…
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Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…
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Putin's Diary

Dearest Diary, Sometimes I believe you are my only friend.…
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Trump's New Rules

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in…
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Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.

I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…
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President Seeking Agreeable White House Staffer

Thank you for coming in today. As you surely know, these White…
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Trump's National Prayer Breakfast Offering

Hey, are you there God? It's me, Donald. To tell you the truth,…
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Building Your Deck with Elon Musk

Step 1 - Commit to Your Deck Hi, my name is Elon Musk and welcome…
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Wine Pairings With Household Chores

According to people who make science, housecleaning affords the…
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Phone Messages Left on My Senator’s Voicemail

[BEEP!] Hey, there! It’s Andy. I was just calling to check…
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Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School

Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class) Conor was pretty much the…
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Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!

FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting…
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About Your Claim in the Class Action Lawsuit

  To whom it may concern:   This is to notify…
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Trump’s Golden Intelligence Briefing

Thank you for meeting with us today, Mr. President-elect. We…
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Ask The Magic 8 Ball

Dear Magic 8 Ball, Will this be the year that…
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Announcing the 2016 Fake News Award Nominees

For over fifty years, the Fake News Awards has been proud to…
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These Electoral College Members Are Hot, Willing, and Waiting For Your Online Petitions!

Hey there, concerned citizen! Are you itching to have your voice…
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Black Friday Lives Matter

A Eulogy For a Family Member Trampled and Killed During Black…
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How to Be a White Ally Without All the Hassle

Are you distressed about the results of the recent presidential…
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Civil War Soldier Writes Home to Mother About Losing his Virginity

“Dear Mother, I shall hope you receive this letter in good…
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The University of Chicago's Letter to Incoming Students

The University of Chicago recently garnered a great deal of media…
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Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!

********* (The highest ranking members of the GLC [Gun Lovers…
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Indiego-gone

Hey Man, Dude, first, thanks so much for donating to my Kickstarter…