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Give Peas a Chance

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ENOUGH! Alright, kids. Listen up. I’ve been listening to you…
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5 Ways to Spice up Your Relationship with Russian Ambassador Sergey Kislyak

Every serious relationship goes through dry spells. It’s…
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Overheard at Trump/Cruz Dinner

President Donald Trump and Texas Senator Ted Cruz officially…
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The Hottest Travel Destinations on TRAPPIST-1

In our present day, when it may be best to evacuate Earth, NASA…
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WebMD: Repeal And Replace

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I’ll Die Without Insurance Disorder What is I’ll Die…
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Immigrationgram

Introducing the Immigrationgram app! Now you can see what your…
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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…
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Obama Wire Tapping

What President Obama overheard while tapping Donald Trump's phone…
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Sessions Lessons

YOU can be as great of a liar as Jeff Sessions!!   It's true!!   …
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In The Event Of Nuclear War I’m Teaching My Cockroaches How To Lock Up The House

Well, it seems like despite everyone’s best efforts, the world…
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Kellyanne Conway's Guide To White House Etiquette

When squatting on the Oval Office couch as if it were a piece…
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Department of Nihilism Study Finds That Nothing Matters Anyway

WASHINGTON, DC – A new report by the federal Department of…
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The 17 Best Articles to Binge Read This Fat Tuesday

Mardi Gras, aka Fat Tuesday, is a day of excess before the sober…
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Other Big Goofs From Last Night's Oscars

Arms on Oscar statues held on with Scotch tape. Jimmy…
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Why haven’t you opened your ecard yet??

Darling, I sent you a Valentine ecard two weeks ago but I checked…
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Trumped Oscar Films

The American Academy of Arts & Sciences announced during…
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How To Tell If You're Allowed In The White House Press Briefing Room

Your paper has plenty of gratis full-page ads for Ivanka's sassy…
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Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot

“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” ~…
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Other Surefire Ways to Get Kicked Out of CPAC

  Organizers for the Conservative Political Action Conference…
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The Aliens from Arrival Review the Oscar Nominees for Visual Effects

We learned many new words when we arrived on your Earth. Cars.…
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The Westminster Human Show 2047

Welcome to the premier showcase of humanity, transmitted across…
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Thanks For Your Patreon Payment!

My Good Friend Anthony, Thanks for sponsoring my creative…
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President Trump's Black History Month Checklist

☐  Why no White History Month? Have someone look into that. ☐…
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TRUMPO Phonetic Alphabet

The administration's defense secretary said Trump may reduce…
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45 Things More Shameful Than Having Your Identity Stolen at Arby's

Nope. Sorry, you blew it. You came here expecting a list of…
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Leaked Drafts of Donald Trump's Remarks About Some Upcoming Holidays

Susan B. Anthony Day Today we honor Susan Anthony. Lots to…
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White House, Dirty Laundry: Presidential Sick Habits

Sure, everyone knows that Taft was stuck in a bathtub, JFK banged…
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An Open Letter to Chad, the Bag Boy

Look Chad, we need to talk about your performance. But if you’ll…
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What Happened 'Last Night In Sweden'

Here's what President Trump was talking about when he mentioned…
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The President Trump Coffee Table Book — Get It Today!

The valor. The prestige. The endless parade of tanks and missile…
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A Few More Statements About Black History Month from President Trump

Black Cats A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats,…
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Reasons Why I Imagine You Didn’t “Like” My Post

You didn’t see it. You like to space out your “likes,”…
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Sports Illustrated: The Lesser Known Specialty Issues

Sure, you know the "Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition".…
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An Open Letter To Cilantro

Dear Cilantro,    Touché. You’ve done it again.…
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Joint Press Conference: Trump and Netanyahu

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…
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FOTO BOMB: Evil Step Brothers

One is a nut-ball leader of North Korea, the other just wanted…
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Ernest Hemingway's Fifty Ways To Drive Your Man Wild In Bed

Editor's note: Quite a few of Ernest Hemingway’s early short…
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White House Valentine's Day Cards

        …
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Mike Flynn Phone Calls

The Trump Administration has more phone call problems. (Now…
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Trump News Conference

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…
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Rejected Candy Hearts

Your Fist Is On My List Four Fingers?!? Please?…
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The Grammys Drinking Game

To play, tune in to The Grammys on CBS at 8pm and simply take…
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5 Ways To Repurpose Aging Supermodels Into Minimalist Home Decor

As our runway models age, we ask ourselves, “What do I do with…
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How I Should Be Depicted in the Movies

Never show me looking through binoculars at a nudist colony.…
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Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…
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Bobby Fink: Kid Detective - The Case of Trump's Missing Terror Attacks

It was the start of February when she walked back into my life.…
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Rudy Giuliani’s Cyber Security Tips

As Donald Trump’s administration continues to take shape, Rudy…
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Hearing To Determine Grizzly Bear’s Eligibility In Schools

SENATOR BERNIE SALAMANDER: (D-VA): The watering hole will come…
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Putin's Diary

Dearest Diary, Sometimes I believe you are my only friend.…
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Other Things That The Kremlin Would Like An Apology For

President Trump's interview with Bill O'Reilly on Fox News really…
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Trump's New Rules

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in…
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FOTO BOMB: Lady Gaga Super Bowl Halftime Show

The question everyone has. What will Lady Gaga wear and do…
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Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.

I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…
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Bowling Green Massacre and Our All-Time Favorite Kellyanne Conway Lies

So now Kellyanne Conway is referring to a "Bowling Green Massacre",…
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President Seeking Agreeable White House Staffer

Thank you for coming in today. As you surely know, these White…
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Trump's National Prayer Breakfast Offering

Hey, are you there God? It's me, Donald. To tell you the truth,…
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Trump Calls to World Leaders

President Donald J. Trump reportedly became angry during a telephone…
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Does The Mile High Club Still Count if My Plane Has Been Missing Since 2014?

Guess what, man? I totally did it! Mile high club, baby! Yes!…
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Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes

Oprah Winfrey is joining 60 Minutes as a Special Correspondent.…
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Building Your Deck with Elon Musk

Step 1 - Commit to Your Deck Hi, my name is Elon Musk and welcome…
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Upcoming Movie Crossovers

Let's face facts, Hollywood is running out of ideas. Well, not…
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Incredible Football Facts!

The first football was built as part of a New Deal–era jobs…
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Super Bowl Vegas Odds

Experts predict close to $5 billion will be bet on Sunday's Super…
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Naughty NASA Pickup Lines

Do you want to ask out that special crush, but scared she’ll…
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Other Trump Executive Orders You Might Have Missed

New trade agreement discussions with Chile ("Mostly because I…
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How The Obamas Spent Their Vacation In The British Virgin Islands

When the Obamas departed from the White House on January 20th,…
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News From the White House Got You Down? Try Presidex!

Do you ever find yourself staying up through the wee hours of…
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Extreme Vetting

"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…
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Alternate ways of paying for the wall

Now that Mexico has refused to pay for the wall that the Trump…
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Steven’s March on Washington Highlights Issues of Importance to Steven

WASHINGTON — One week after the more publicized Women’s…
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White House Confidential: Overheard During Trump’s First Week In Office

Anyone got a thesaurus? I’m running out of synonyms for the…
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2017 Ethics: Punching a Nazi and Other Acceptable Acts

Punching a Nazi Putting an empty milk carton back into…
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Wine Pairings With Household Chores

According to people who make science, housecleaning affords the…
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Trump's Other Changes To The White House Website

Trump wasn't in office for even a day when he made several notable…
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Alternatives to Alternative Facts

The truth seems to be a fickle thing in the new White House,…
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BuzzFeed for Dads

19 Nose Hair Trimmers Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Love Life. 27…
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Phone Messages Left on My Senator’s Voicemail

[BEEP!] Hey, there! It’s Andy. I was just calling to check…
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President Trump's First News Conference

"We take you to Washington D.C. where President Trump is about…
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Grizzly Bears I Would Have Totally Shot at School

Conor, 5th Grade (Spelling Class) Conor was pretty much the…
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Women's March on Washington Pick-up lines

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You smell slightly less awful then the other hippies. So,…
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Most Common Tattoos Spotted at the Trump Inauguration

Demonic/zombie bald eagle with dead dove in it's mouth: 174 Rebel…
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Taking the Twitter Oath

'I, Donald J. Trump will chew out world leaders. I will tweet…
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Pick-up Lines Overheard at the Trump Inauguration

Given President Trump’s notorious sexist comments about women,…
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Washington, D.C. Travel Guide for Trump Supporters

Tens of thousands of Donald Trump supporters will be flocking…
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The New School Threat: Grizzly Bears

Sure guns in schools can do SOME bad things, but what's the REAL…
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Procrastinators! You Can Still Move Away! Try Guam!

FYEO – Guam Chamber of Commerce Secret Plan For Attracting…
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Mr. Trump Goes to Washington

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President…
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About Your Claim in the Class Action Lawsuit

  To whom it may concern:   This is to notify…
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Obama Sticky Notes

Sticky notes that President Obama has left around Washington…
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GOP Affordable Care Replacement Ideas

Don't despair, folks! All is not lost! Just mostly...   Quit…
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The Real Reasons That Ringling Bros Are Shutting Down

Bankrupt after having to bail out so many clowns who had been…
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Trump’s Golden Intelligence Briefing

Thank you for meeting with us today, Mr. President-elect. We…
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Jason Vorhees' Camp Crystal Lake Etiquette

1. Look, we know why you're here. You're going to have sex. And…
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Notable lines from Donald Trump's upcoming Inaugural Address

"Ask not what your country can do for you -- ask what your country…
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FOTO BOMB: Barack Obama is...MOVING!

Obama is getting ready to move out of the White House. He…
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How to Explain a Golden Shower to an Evangelical

It's like the story of Noah and the Flood, but God is a high-priced…
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Donald Trump Reviews Overrated Meryl's Top Films

Kramer Vs. Kramer Overrated Meryl won an Academy Award for her…
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FOTO BOMB: Trump @ CES

Trump is at it again doing his White House training at CES…
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Golden Globe Categories That Don't Make it to Air

Best Performance By An Actor/Actress Trying To Bounce Back From…
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Other Revelations from the U.S. Intelligence Community

  Russian hackers got into the Nielsen computers and sabotaged…
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Ask The Magic 8 Ball

Dear Magic 8 Ball, Will this be the year that…
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Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. He had high cholesterol, and his…
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9 Great Urinal Conversation Topics

1. Cold out/hot out/regular temperature out. 2. These…
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Reality Shows of the Dictators

PUTIN YOU ON "Smile!  You're on Candid Comrade!"  The playful…
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Mariah Carey's Excuses For Her Horrible NYE Performance

Distracted by the horribly intense yeast infection brought on…
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FOTO BOMB: Happy Trump New Year!

Donald Trump Wishes America a Happy New Year from Times Square.…
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Grim Reaper’s 2016 Party Gets Outta Control

Looks like someone can’t get enough celebrating this year,…
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FOTO BOMB: Putin Punished

" OBAMA does not take pleasure in the spankings or the sanctions…
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What ABC Isn't Telling You About The Bachelor

More robots per episode than an entire season of Westworld. The…
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FOTO BOMB: Amazon Echo Columbo Edition

After recent news concerning An Amazon Echo may be the key to…
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Trump's Definitions of Common, Everyday Political Terms

President-Elect Trump recently referred to the UN as simply "a…
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Life After Simon & Garfunkel: Exchanging a Christmas Present

Art Garfunkel uses his considerable celebrity to exchange a Christmas…
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Announcing the 2016 Fake News Award Nominees

For over fifty years, the Fake News Awards has been proud to…
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BREAKING NEWS: Cable News See Nativity Coverage As Ratings Savior

Cable networks salivating at their ratings-grabbing replays of…
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PIC QUIP: Trump Bomb Shelters

POSSIBLE CONFLICT OF INTEREST ALERT: Ivanka just announced her…
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Useless Tinder Rip-Offs

Just in time for the horrible, lonely holidays! Here Come The…
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7 Reasons Why You’ll Regret Reading This Click Bait Article

1) You’ve been had! There’s no nudity here, pal. Why don’t…
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It's a Wonderful Presidency

President-elect Trump is pacing inside the penthouse at Trump…
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WORLD WAR C

It’s is difficult to remember the small events that preceded…
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Christmas Gifts The Trump’s Asked From Santa

The Declaration of Independence, for Ivanka to use as coasters…
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Daily Planner Schedule For The Elf On The Shelf

9:30 am Tinkle into the dishwasher's detergent container. 10:15…
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Donald Trump's Pre-Tweet Crib Sheet

Mr. President-Elect Trump, please always refer to the following…
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10 Lesser Known Award Shows Nominees

Tis the season for award show nominees. Here are the few, the…
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An Oral History of Space Jam

Space Jam is the story of sport itself, touching on the universal…
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Least Clicked On Fake News Stories

Creator Of CB Radio Sets Own Buttocks On Fire Nazi Scientists…
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The Spy Who Came in from the Access Hollywood Bus

A dimly lit tavern, somewhere along the Ukrainian border. A waitress…
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Tales of WUT

by Shedd Kenwick      Part 1 At age 104, Shedd Kenwick…
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