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Do You Need A Pep Talk?

I can tell from your appearance that you need a pep talk. I…
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Scientists Bring Back Dodo From Extinction For The Fourth Time

“Scientist leading ‘de-extinction’ effort says Harvard…
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Elevator Pitches for Lifetime Movies

She had to do it Because She Couldn't Have Kids. Janelle, a…
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Wall Street’s Additions to Fearless Girl

PRESS RELEASE FROM STATE STREET GLOBAL ADVISORS. Due to the…
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HGTV's LOVE IT OR LIST IT: DIVORCE EDITION

Mark and Sandra have been star-crossed lovers since the very…
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Notes from a Pepsi Ad Executive

“Pepsi Pulls Ad Accused of Trivializing Black Lives Matter”—New…
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How to Get Your Amazon Echo to, You Know, Do It with You

The Amazon Echo is a tremendous technological feat. This one…
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A Pilot Welcomes Passengers To Trump's America

*crackles over sound system* Hi, uhhhhhh, welcome aboard…
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President Trump Welcomes the First Pet

“Black crows in the meadow Across a broad highway Though…
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QUIZ: Medical Condition or Accounting Firm

1. Baker Newman Noves 2. Epstein Barr 3. Riley Day 4.…
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Press Conference From The Discarded Crayola Crayon, Dandelion

"Okay, first off, yes, I am drunk. Very drunk. Drunk to the point…
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Ringling Bros Presents: Just The Elephants!

Come one! Come all! Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the greatest…
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Brexit Up Is Hard To Do

The Five Stages of Grief Following a Bad Break-Up / Planned Withdrawal 1)…
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Top Five Signs That Your Pet Goldfish Is a Stockbroker from the 80's

It’s your worst nightmare, you come home late one night to…
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The 8 Most Important Features of Samsung's New Galaxy S8

We received the new Samsung Galaxy S8 phone just the other day,…
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NOTES TO EINSTEIN (Everything is Relative)

What if Einstein's theory of relativity got notes from TV execs,…
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Kid-Lit of the Revolution

"...it turns out, Kim Jong Il —along with dad Kim Il Sung —…
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A Timeline of the Development of the Modern Democracy

  1294 B.C.E. – Egyptian scribes break the first-ever…
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Every Emoji Is a Dick Emoji

You've probably heard the old adage "the eggplant emoji is…
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Lepre-Caan's St. Patrick's Day Tips

No Pushing And Shoving At The Bar! A snub-nosed 38 pressed into…
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Hip and Edgy Comic Strip Reboots

Riverdale, the hip, edgy, sexually ambiguous retooling of the…
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Wine Reviews By A Sommelier In The Midst Of A Heinous Breakup

Palazzo Lucca 2008 Lamprey-Stuffed River Pinot Grigio Frutti…
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WebMD: Repeal And Replace

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I’ll Die Without Insurance Disorder What is I’ll Die…
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The Adventures of Angry Vagina and Her Dating App

Let me tell you a tale of a close friend of mine named Angry…
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Sessions Lessons

YOU can be as great of a liar as Jeff Sessions!!   It's true!!   …
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In The Event Of Nuclear War I’m Teaching My Cockroaches How To Lock Up The House

Well, it seems like despite everyone’s best efforts, the world…
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Department of Nihilism Study Finds That Nothing Matters Anyway

WASHINGTON, DC – A new report by the federal Department of…
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Goodbye to the Cancer Moonshot

“Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses.” ~…
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The Westminster Human Show 2047

Welcome to the premier showcase of humanity, transmitted across…
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Ernest Hemingway's Fifty Ways To Drive Your Man Wild In Bed

Editor's note: Quite a few of Ernest Hemingway’s early short…
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Trump News Conference

"We take you live to the White House where President Trump is…
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Trump/Putin Rom-Coms

Four Elections and An Impeachment Donald is a brash but sensitive…
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Bobby Fink: Kid Detective - The Case of Trump's Missing Terror Attacks

It was the start of February when she walked back into my life.…
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Hearing To Determine Grizzly Bear’s Eligibility In Schools

SENATOR BERNIE SALAMANDER: (D-VA): The watering hole will come…
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Trump's New Rules

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… Meeting in…
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Sean Spicer and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Period.

I went to bed chewing thirty-five pieces of gum, and before…
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Building Your Deck with Elon Musk

Step 1 - Commit to Your Deck Hi, my name is Elon Musk and welcome…
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News From the White House Got You Down? Try Presidex!

Do you ever find yourself staying up through the wee hours of…
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Extreme Vetting

"We take you live to New York City's John F. Kennedy International…
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Steven’s March on Washington Highlights Issues of Importance to Steven

WASHINGTON — One week after the more publicized Women’s…
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2017 Ethics: Punching a Nazi and Other Acceptable Acts

Punching a Nazi Putting an empty milk carton back into…
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BuzzFeed for Dads

19 Nose Hair Trimmers Guaranteed To Spice Up Your Love Life. 27…
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Mr. Trump Goes to Washington

Meanwhile, in Donald Trump’s White House… The next President…
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Jack Sprat Could Eat No Fat

Jack Sprat could eat no fat. He had high cholesterol, and his…
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FOTO BOMB: Happy Trump New Year!

Donald Trump Wishes America a Happy New Year from Times Square.…
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Life After Simon & Garfunkel: Exchanging a Christmas Present

Art Garfunkel uses his considerable celebrity to exchange a Christmas…
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BREAKING NEWS: Cable News See Nativity Coverage As Ratings Savior

Cable networks salivating at their ratings-grabbing replays of…
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WORLD WAR C

It’s is difficult to remember the small events that preceded…
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10 Lesser Known Award Shows Nominees

Tis the season for award show nominees. Here are the few, the…
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An Oral History of Space Jam

Space Jam is the story of sport itself, touching on the universal…
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The Spy Who Came in from the Access Hollywood Bus

A dimly lit tavern, somewhere along the Ukrainian border. A waitress…
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Hard To Fill Help Wanted Ads

NOW HIRING: Reverse Psychologist  You don’t really want this…
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My TripAdvisor

“Had Reservations Before We Made Reservations” ★★☆☆☆ Reviewed…
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Black Friday Lives Matter

A Eulogy For a Family Member Trampled and Killed During Black…
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Most Anticipated Moments From The 2016 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

New England Patriots mascot balloon not inflated properly, falls…
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You Are Invited to the Democratic Party’s White Working Class Appreciation BBQ

What: The Democratic Party’s First Annual White Working Class…
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President Trump's Cabinet Member Selections

Citizens of these great United States, you can now rest easy.   …
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Steve Bannon, Really? He Doesn’t Even Make My List of Top 5 Favorite Nazis

  I gotta tell you: I’m real disappointed with the…
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WikiLeaks Bombshell: Militia Group Issues ‘Stand Down’ Order, Four Erections Die

KALAMAZOO, Mich. – As Republican presidential candidate Donald…
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Alliterative Day-of-the-Week Themes to Boost Morale at Your Startup

  Mole Mondays Nope, not the cute little furry critter!…
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Subject: Fear Not, Gun Lovers!

********* (The highest ranking members of the GLC [Gun Lovers…
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Answer Sheet For The Exam Of Kanye’s God-Level Sommelier

Any deviation from these exact answers during the blind tasting…
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GOP Convention Drinking Game!

Drink every time the camera pans to an overweight woman in a…
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Four Strange Things Found in Michelle Obama's 2008 DNC Speech

With all this fuss about plagiarism from Melania Trump's RNC…
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President Trump White House Tour

A first-person account by one lucky reporter It is a pretty…
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Whore-O-Scope

[Prostitutional Premonitions] Aries (March 21- April 19) You…
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The Crossword Couple!

NOTE TO READERS: "The Crossword Couple," Eric and Colleen Belknap,…
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So You’re Thinking of Symbolically Adopting an Elephant

It may be the biggest decision in your life. If it is, consider…
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Eulogy for a Cobra Command Henchmen

Hello, thank you all for coming today. We are here not to mourn,…
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For All The Nevers In Life: If The State Farm Ad was Self-Aware

[We open on a wild, alcohol-fueled pool party with…
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Bernie Sanders Campaign Groupie Sex Diary

It's proven to be a passionate electoral season, and voters have…
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Trump Snarls

Two hours after his latest victory sort-of-speech following a…
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Batman and Superman: AN ORAL HISTORY

Superman: Oh, yeah, we were tight. Me and Bats? Are you kidding?…
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GOP Primary Forecast

UPDATED FEBRUARY 23 As we head into the final stretch of the…
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Domestic Terrorism Pinterest Projects

The Ku Klux Klan’s Whites Only Dorito Corn Dogs   Perfect…
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MAN KICKED OUT OF ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT BUFFET AFTER EATING MORE THAN 50 LBS OF FOOD, SUES FOR $2-MILLION

from WORLD NEWS DAILY REPORT Springfield| A man from Massachusetts…
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NPR FAN FICTION

 “Escape from the Zombies in the Village by the Potomac”   Terry…
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New On Broadway!

My Dinner with Andre II: Just Desserts Andre Gregory and Wallace…
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How To: World Domination for Bears

Are you a bear and can read? Do you lust for more than just salmon?…
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Dear Donald

Donald Trump receives thousands of letters every week asking…
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IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE - THE DISCARDED "POTTERSVILLE" ENDING

The screenplay for the 1946 holiday classic It's a Wonderful…
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Things to Bet On In NY Now that FanDuel and DraftKings Are Shut Down

-300 Express subway train pulls away right as you get to the…
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Competitive Duck Mimicry to Debut at 2016 Summer Olympics

The International Duck Mimicry Federation has announced Duck…
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Most Likely Places to Find Pipes Mistakenly Left Behind by Bertrand Russell

Most Likely Places to Find Pipes Mistakenly Left Behind by Bertrand…
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Rent-A-Baby

Hello ladies.  Are you 40?   Single? Married? Divorced? Overworked?…
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Pumpkin Spice Latte; A DEA Drug Fact Sheet

Autumn comes with shortening days, and associations with stressful…
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How Did I Get Here?

We wrote this book because you've probably been hearing all…
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Pope’s Dope Robe Probed

Hey The Pope - just because you're The Pope doesn't mean you…
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How To: World Domination for Pirates

Congratulations on your interest in world domination! You are…
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How to Dominate Friends and Repel Losers

Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence…