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Cutting Edge Gardening Tips

Fire-ant mounds do admittedly appear similar to chocolate lava cake, but do not eat them. Try, at least.


Save on your water bill by hiring a few homeless people spit on your garden.


Gardening in a full suit of armor may seem like a bad idea, but… actually, that is a bad idea. Yeah, don’t do that.


Don’t attempt to keep bugs out of your mouth by spraying bug spray onto your tongue. Just keep your mouth closed.


Tomato plants can make your skin itchy, so wear gloves. Also, tomatoes are gross, so just don’t plant any.


Be sure to wear a gardening hat. When neighborhood kids make rude comments, use a large squash to make a series of obscene gestures.


Test the fertility of your soil by burying several fertility tests, available at your nearby Planned Parenthood location. (For Now)


 

Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

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