A Few Examples of When It’s Okay, Even Advisable, To Report Your Neighbor To The Police

  1. His only contributions to the block garage sale are always bloodied girl scout uniforms.
  2. Immediately following Halloween, he rents out his porch jack o’ lantern as a toilet for homeless people.
  3. He constantly steals your newspaper, and also your television.
  4. Always brings roofies to the neighborhood lemonade stands.
  5. You live in George Zimmerman’s neighborhood.
  6. He intimidates your children into shaving his back on a monthly basis.
  7. At least twice a week, he gets really drunk and teabags your birdhouse.
  8. You ask him to water your plants while you’re out of town, and when you return he’s turned your house into a hydroponic marijuana greenhouse.
  9. You find him using your commode at least once a week, his excuse always being that he has a dead cat clogging up the one in his bathroom.
  10. Had to go from house to house informing neighbors that he’s a registered sex offender, and did so with a visible erection.
  11. He mows his lawn wearing only the skin and fur of dead family pets that he’s dug out of your backyard.

Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….