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Houston Pilot Caught on Tape by Christina Warren

My mom isn’t exactly Steve Jobs, but she does know how to forward jokes through her inbox.
To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity
1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars.  See If They Slow Down.
2. On all your cheque stubs, write ‘ For Marijuana’
3. Skip down the street Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
4. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat,with a serious face.
5. …

My mom seriously forwards me all these emails…ridiculous!
How do you tell if a Jersey girl did your landscaping?
The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.

Beautiful Jersey Girl
Three men were talking about their new wives duties. The first man had an Illinois woman and had told her that she was going to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.
The second man had a Michigan woman. …

An old lady came into her doctor’s office and confessed to an embarrassing problem. “I fart all the time, Dr Johnson, but they’re silent, and they have no odor. In fact, I’ve farted no less than six times since I’ve been here. What can I do?”
“Here’s a prescription, Mrs. Barker. Take these pills three times a day for seven days. Then come back and see me in a week.”
The next week, an upset Mrs. Barker marched into Dr Johnson’s office, “Doctor, I don’t know what was in those pills, but …

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office for his wife’s test results. The lab tech told him, “I’m sorry sir, but there has been a mix-up. When we sent the sample from your wife to the lab, a sample from another Mrs. Smith was also sent, and now we’re uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, the news is either bad or terrible.”
“What do you mean?” asked the concerned spouse.
“Well,” the medic explained, “one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer’s disease and the other for AIDS.”
“Can we do the test …