National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation (1989)
Synopsis: Clark Griswold invites his whole family to his home for the Christmas holidays. He prepares by chopping down a giant Christmas tree, nearly killing his family in a car accident, and putting up so many Christmas lights his house can be seen from space. More than anything, he’s hoping for a large Christmas bonus, to put in a pool. But when his family arrives, including Cousin Eddie and his trailer full of kids, things start to go wrong. Clark’s home, with its 25,000 light bulbs begin to annoy the neighbors, the Christmas dinner gets ruined, and all sorts of wild animals run through the house. But when Clark finds out he’s not getting his promotion, he goes a little crazy.
Directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik
Written by John Hughes
Cast:
Chevy Chase – Clark W. Griswold, Jr.
Beverly D’Angelo – Ellen Smith Griswold
Juliette Lewis – Audrey Griswold
Johnny Galecki – Rusty Griswold
John Randolph – Clark W. Griswold Sr.
Diane Ladd – Nora Griswold
E.G. Marshall – Arthur Smith
Doris Roberts – Frances Smith
Randy Quaid – Cousin Eddie Johnson
Miriam Flynn – Cousin Catherine Johnson
William Hickey – Uncle Lewis
Mae Questel – Aunt Bethany
Julia Louis-Dreyfus – Margo Chester
Brian Doyle-Murray – Frank Shirley
Memorable Quotes:
Clark: Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
Clark: Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where’s the Tylenol?
Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.
Clark: ‘Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That’s my name.
Clark: No shit.
[as an entourage of suits - lead by Clark's boss - passes by single file]
Clark: Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas, kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass. Happy Hanukkah.
Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Oh, Eddie… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.
Eddie: Every time Catherine would turn on the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.
Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.
[Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.
Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.
Cousin Catherine Johnson: Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.
Clark: Hey, Kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on it’s way in from New York City.
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?
Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?
Rusty Griswold: Sure, Dad.
Clark: Hmm… Maybe we ought to just go up there and check…
Rusty Griswold: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car…
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling – smiling. I was just blouse – browsing. I, uh, heh heh. Well, I guess it just wouldn’t… Oh hee hee, it wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they – HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn’t it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? Yeah, it is a bit nipply out. I mean nippy. What am I saying, nipple?
Ellen: Clark, I think it’d be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.
Clark: WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.
Rusty Griswold: Dad, this tree won’t fit in our back yard.
Clark: It’s not going in the yard, Russ. It’s going in the living room.
Eddie: Don’t forget the rubber sheets and gerbils.
Trivia:
- Johnny Galecki, who plays Rusty, has gone on to star in The Big Bang Theory
- Despite coming out after European Vacation, the children are somehow younger
- Made over $71,000,0000 in theaters
- Final screen appearance of Mae Questel, who’s film career began in 1930 as the voice of Betty Boop
- The movie is based on John Hughes’s short story “Christmas ’59″, the second Vacation story to be published in the National Lampoon Magazine (the first was “Vacation ’58″, which was the basis for the first Vacation movie). The Christmas story was printed in December 1980
- Tagline: Yule Crack Up!
- Followed by the cinematic classic direct to video sequel, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure. This gem follows Cousin Eddie and his family as they are given a Pacific Island vacation because a monkey bit Cousin Eddie at work. Featuring Ed Asner and Eric Idle
Animation: Rick Perry (actual audio)
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