National Lampoon.com - Rules to a Successful Life

First get into the bathtub.
(Keep your paint set handy.)

Rub Mister Wiener 'til he gets as tall as can be.
Then paint him as shown.

Don't let your boats run up on the rocks. OUCH!

Paste a pin on the back of a scab. Varnish it.

A scab pin makes a swell gift for Sis or Mom!

Whenever she wears it she'll remember
you and your injuries!

Have Mom make a natural shoulder sports coat for him out of a worn-out sock. Or ask Dad for one of his old "rubbers." (Tell him you don't mean an overshoe.)

An old rubber rolled up makes a neat hat; rolled down, it's a raincoat for Mr. Wiener to wear in the shower!

If you like to work with your hands, you can make this tie rack in a few seconds.
Just rub Mr. Wiener 'til he sticks our from your body as far as can be.
Hang some ties, colorful pot holders - even a hat on him.
You'll always be WELL-HUNG!

Like the water bed Mom 'n' Dad sleep on!

Say "nuts" to ordinary throw pillows.
Just take an old plastic bag and get the whole gang to spit in it.
Then tie it at the top and draw some fun designs on it with a felt-tip pen, or draw your picture on it and tell Mom it's the spitting image of you.

Bet she'll laugh!

Starring Mister Wiener!!
Here's a great way to celebrate the Bicentennial

When a friend sleeps over, take out your Mister Wieners and rub them 'til they're as tall as can be. Then shine a flashlight on them so their shadows appear on the wall.

Make up a play about presidents.

Make them dance.

Your imagination's the only limit!