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Wow. Check out this crowd, huh?
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Man, this is some crowd this year.
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So what do you think, bigger crowd this year? I think
it’s a bigger crowd.
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That your blanket?
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When are the fireworks gonna start, for Christ’s
sake?
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Wish I’d brought a lawn chair.
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Fuck, man, look at all these people. Am I right?
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Know what pisses me off? People come down sit on blankets
and shit, watch some nice fireworks — pretty, right?
So fuckin’ pretty people forget it’s about
The U.S.A. See what I’m saying?
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I served my country. You serve your country?
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Those your kids?
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HEY! HEY! I’M SITTING RIGHT HERE! I GOT
HERE EARLY! IF YOU FUCKIN’ TEENAGERS PARK IT HERE
I WILL GRAB EVERY ONE OF YOUR PIERCINGS AND RIP THEM RIGHT
THE FUCK OUT WITH MY BARE HANDS!!
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I’m sorry, seriously, I am seriously going to try
not to say ‘fuck’ right in front of your kids
anymore. Sincerely.
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I guess it has to be, like, pitch black before they start
the fireworks for some fuckin’ reason.
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Okay, apple pie, hot dogs — quintessentially American,
right? Except both those things are German! What
the fuck, right?
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Did you get drunk before you came?
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I
swear to god, one more damn mosquito bite and I go straight
up mental. You with me?
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Okay, let’s go “U.S.A!! U.S.A!!” until
they start. Ready? “U.S.A! U.S.A!”…
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Okay.
So now I’m mad.
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OH! SHIT! LOOK! IT’S STAR—
oh, that’s just some clown with a roman candle.
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What,
I can’t say ‘shit’ in front of your
kids either? Jesus, what are you, a Mormon or something?
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Wanna bet a bunch of these retards thought the show was
starting when that guy set off OH HEY LOOK HERE
WE GO—… Ah, crap.
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I can say ‘crap’ right?
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I’m just saying this fireworks shit is more meaningful
if you’ve served your country. I’m not saying
guys like you aren’t allowed to like it. Lighten
up.
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So the Chinese invented ‘em, friggin Mexicans make
‘em, what the hell is so American about Fireworks,
am I right?
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I’m just gonna take, like, a corner of your blanket,
okay? Just, like, an ass worth.
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OKAY,
HERE WE GO, ‘BOUT FRIGGIN’ TIME! WHOOOO! WHOOOO!
AW-RIGHT!!... Man, I hope it gets better than
that.
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Oh, man, I love those ones. The ones that do, like, a
tree shape and then they sizzle and shit? Those are my
favorites. Are those your favorites?
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I’m seriously pissed off you wouldn’t say
“U.S.A.” with me.
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Oh, great aerial bombs.
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Listen, ‘scuse me, my friend here says if you don’t
move your fuckin’ weather balloon-shaped head he’s
gonna bash it in. No offense.
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I was in ‘Nam.
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OH!
FUCK! I LOVE THOSE KIND!
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Listen, if I like, spontaneously kiss you during the grand
finale? It’s a patriotic kiss.
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I
think maybe this was better last year.
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What the fuck is with the fuckin aerial bombs? Does anybody
like those?
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Wait a second, wait a second, was that the grand finale?
That SUCKED! Those cheap fuckin’—
Oh, wait there’s more.
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See
this Pepsi can? Like there’s Pepsi in it. So NOT!
WHOOOO!! USA! USA!
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Okay, know what, if you can’t say USA with me why
don’t you get the fuck off my blanket? Pardon my
French kids.
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OH! OH! YES! YES! THAT’S THE KIND, RIGHT THERE,
WAIT FOR IT, WAIT FOR IT, THEY'RE GONNA WHISTLE AND SHIT,
HERE IT COMES… OOOOOHHHH, YEAH, YEAH, MOTHERFUCK,
SHIT, YEAH!!
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Oh fuck you, your kids have heard every one of those goddamn
words, what, are you trying to make them gay?
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You kids can be gay if you want. I just don’t think
your dad should make you gay.
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OH, WHAT, DOES THE FUCKIN’ MAYOR OF THIS
TOWN OWN FUCKIN’ STOCK IN FUCKIN’ AERIAL BOMBS?
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Sorry kids, seriously, sorry. It’s just those fuckin’
aerial bombs get me thinking of Nam’ and shit.
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THAT’S
the grand finale? Jesus, what the hell do they do with
my taxes, shove ‘em up their— Oh, okay, there’s
more.
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Man, getting out of here is gonna be a bitch.
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HEY! HEY OFFICER! THIS GUY I’M SITTING WITH HAS
A PEPSI CAN FULL OF SCOTCH!
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Okay, now, here we go, this is it, grand finale, grand
finale, AM I RIGHT, DID I CALL IT, DID I CALL
IT?! THAT’S THE STUFF! THAT’S THE STUFF, CHARLIE!
BRING IT ON YOU FUCKIN’ GOOK BASTARDS!!
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I am such a sucker for that shit. Seriously though, it
was way better last year, right?
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Can I get a ride with you guys?
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