Originals
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Potentially Delicious Items from the 2016 DNC Concession Menu

Hill-a-refried Beans

$25.00

We in the food service industry like to joke that Hillary’s positive political contributions haven’t added up to a “Hill” of beans. Which is what gave us the idea for this scrumptious offering. These beans, much like Hillary’s campaign promises, have been mashed and smooshed to the point of being unrecognizable. And, if we’re being honest, they’re as difficult to swallow as her nice-guy stage persona.


Anthony’s Weiners

$6.50

You probably saw this one coming, right? Well, if you own an iPhone you more than likely did. Anthony was asked to curtail his activities in the weiner business, but you just can’t keep a good man down, so here they are again. (Note: Last year’s menu was an error, this item cannot be super-sized)


Wasserman’s Leeks

$4.50

Sorry folks, due to popular demand, we’ve decided to remove this veggie fan’s delight from the menu. It might be back again next year. Who can really tell with these things?


Baracky Mountain Oysters

$12.75

President Obama may not have had balls during his tenure, but don’t let that dissuade you from enjoying the testicular treat of his namesake! Tasty in small doses, but unlike the easily swayed American public, probably not a good idea to go back for seconds.


Bernie’s w/ Cheese

.75 cents

You know, we’ve decided not to offer this anymore. Everyone seems to really like it, and can agree that it would be their best bet, but, eh… we don’t know. We just don’t fee like it. Maybe try the Hilary-Fried Beans. They’re not nearly as good, but most people are okay with them. You’ve certainly had worse.


Bill’s Balls

$11.75

Back during his original days in the White House, it’s rumored that Bill’s Balls would make a sudden but expected appearance at the end of every one of his popular shin-dings. Large, battered and crispy, these are served with a side of ranch (a word of caution, in the past our special ranch recipe has been know to stain certain types of fabric).


The Ted Kennedy Memorial All-You-Can-Eat Fish Buffet

$13.50

Let’s face it, you’re trapped her for the foreseeable future. Why not make the most of it by strapping yourself in and getting drowned in a never-ending stream of delicious fresh-water fish?

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Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

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