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Some Pre-Existing Conditions The GOP Will Accept

Slimy skin


Tightass


Sunburn from an “All Lives Matter” protest


Blindness/deafness from head-in-sand


Lizard breath


Weakspine


Empathy deficiency


Myopia


Secret homosexuality projected as homophobia


Tennis elbow


Golf knee


Lacrosse butt


Ears still ringing from hearing hip-hop two weeks ago


Being a wussy (Celiac disease)


Having a son who only got accepted to Cornell


Acute Stress Disorder from multiple sexual assault lawsuits


Kidney stones


Written by Connor McCausland

Connor McCausland

Connor writes comedy for himself and others in New York City. He’s trying very hard. His writing has appeared in AboveAverage, Reductress, McSweeneys, and CollegeHumor.

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