Originals
featured-image-template-nl-charles

President Trump’s Cabinet Member Selections

Citizens of these great United States, you can now rest easy.    While President-Elect Trump may not have the experience of those typically selected for his new position, he has wisely chosen to surround himself with a group of those who are, as President Lincoln once succinctly put it, “of the people, by the people, for the people”.    Well, at the very least, they are technically people.    And that’s a start, right?   

So join us in breathing a well-earned sigh of relief as President-Elect Trump debuts his Cabinet of the United States:


Secretary of Agriculture and Agriculture Related Jokes

Larry the Cable Guy


Secretary of Commerce

Gene Simmons

(“The guy is able to sell anything with the KISS logo on it to his dipshit fans,” Trump said. “He’s the right guy for the job.”)


Secretary of Defense

Dennis Hopper

(“He’s dead? Well, shit.” Trump later said. “I’m going to keep him anyway, because having him on the list makes me seem cool.”)


Secretary of Education

Jessica Simpson

(“Yeah, yeah… I know…” commented Trump, “”But have you seen those tits?”)


Secretary of Energy and Being a Complete Fucking Lunatic

Ted Nugent


Secretary of Health and Human Services and Being Drunk and Fingered By a Guy She Met Five Minutes Ago

Snooki


Secretary of Homeland Security and Protecting the Country From Gay Marriage

Chuck Norris


Secretary of the Real Housing of Washington and Urban Development

Lisa Rinna


Secretary of Interior

Paula Deen

(“I just figured, she has agoraphobia, so… oh, is that not what ‘interior’ means?” Trump was later heard to comment.)


Secretary of Labor

Freddie Prinze, Jr.

(Trump just wants to have Sarah Michelle Gellar over to the White House as often as possible).


Secretary of State

Adam Sandler

(“The favorite film-maker of the majority of my followers; it just makes sense.” said Trump.)


Secretary of TransGenderPortation

Caitlyn Jenner


Secretary of Treasury

Styx

(“They’re going to play ‘Babe’ every time I walk into the Oval Office. It’s going to be awesome.”, grinned Trump.)


Secretary of Veteran’s Affairs

Gerald McRaney

(“Was Major Dad, so who better to understand the needs of our veterans?”)


Attorney General in Charge

Scott Baio


 

Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

Comments

comments