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Revised Storm Names for 2017 Atlantic Hurricane Season

After receiving an executive order, the National Hurricane Center, under the auspices of the National Weather Service and National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, recently updated its 2017 list of tropical storm names. Hurricane season runs from June 1 through Nov. 30 in the Atlantic Basin. Most of the staff resigned or went underground rather than alter the list, but the remaining forecaster complied. He would like to also announce the NWS’s new mandate to focus on big, puffy clouds. The weekend forecast calls for even more puffy clouds, followed by some fluffy ones.


 

Revised 2017 Tropical Storm Names

 

A Storm As Tremendous As My Electoral College Victory

 

Bigly, Bigly Hurricane

 

Can You Believe How Yuge This Storm Is?

 

Don (unchanged from original list)

 

Extremely Intense Storm And It’s Surprising We’ve Had Five Like This One So Far, But Nothing To Worry About

 

Fact That We Just Got Up To F, With Unprecedented Flooding, Also Nothing To Worry About

 

Glanced At The NWS Climate Change Page And It Says Scientists Expect Storms To Continue To Increase in Intensity Over the Next 100 Years. Hoax!

 

Had A Look At These Graphs On the EPA and NASA Sites Showing That The Earth’s Average Surface Temperature Has Risen Every Decade Since 1910. Doesn’t Mean A Thing!

 

It Was Cold Yesterday. I Rest My Case. Let’s Tee Off

 

Jared Agrees

 

Know I Did The Right Thing In March When I rolled Back Obama’s Greenhouse Gas Regulations. My Friends Who Burn Fossil Fuels Agree. Smart

 

Lots of Rain Right Now, More Than Usual. That Means Jobs For Umbrella Makers. Tremendous!

 

Mar-a-Lago Was Cold On Monday

 

News Reporters And Scientists Are Biased Toward Facts, Numbers, Data-Based Trends, Temperatures Over 100 Years. Sad

 

O Say Can You See That The News Media and Scientists Know That I Have A Great Big:

 

Penis

 

Quick, Look Over There (While I Fire The Heads Of NASA, the EPA, and the NWS)

 

Really Disappointed That NASA Says on Its Website, “Scientific Evidence for Warming of the Climate System is Unequivocal.” Only Weather We Should Be Worrying About Is Snowflakes. Sad!

 

Scientists Should Stop Using Biased Thermometers

 

“There Are Better Than Even Odds that Anthropogenic Warming Over the Next Century Will Lead to An Increase In Very Intense Tropical Cyclones” Says The NOAA Webpage. Fake!

 

Understand That We Won’t Be Alive in 2100 Anyway.

 

Very Suspicious That Same Numbers Are On The NASA, EPA, AND NWS Websites

 

“Warming By the End of the 21st Century Will Likely Cause Tropical Cyclones Globally to Be More Intense on Average (By 2 to 11 Percent)” According to NOAA Website. Should Be Updated to Reflect Both Sides: The Side That’s Biased Toward Data, Numbers, and Trends, And The Side That Wants to Increase Jobs

 

Xamine Your Zipper (Tee Hee)

 

You Shouldn’t Think At All About What Could Happen to the Polar Ice Caps. By The Way I’m Running to My Boat Now. Smart!

 

Zero Facts Are in the Media. And in Scientific Reports. Except For The Articles That Won Pulitzer Prizes in April And The Reports That Won Nobel Prizes in October.  By The Way, Never Mind Hurricanes, Who’d Have Thought You’d Get Through These Four Months? Maybe You’re Gonna Make It After All


 

Written by Caren Lissner

Caren Lissner

Caren Lissner’s humorous first novel, Carrie Pilby,was just made into a feature film starring Nathan Lane and Bel Powley, available on the internet and on cable. Her writing has appeared in the New York Times and various other publications. Follow her on Twitter at @carenlissner.

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