Signs That You’re At A Crummy Garage Sale

1) Knick knacks are in a box marked as “evidence”.

2) They didn’t mow the lawn before setting up, and their biggest selling item is insect and small rodent repellent.

3) All Velcro items for sale must be removed from their display: the family uncle’s shirtless, hairy back.

4) Customers are allowed to “try out” the selection of old nudie mags in several nearby porta-potties.

5) The guy stationed at their kissing booth is clearly an unwashed drifter, and based on your third trip through the line, he’s been chewing tobacco as well.

6) Not only do the underpants have obvious skid-marks, but so do the dress shirts, scarves and baseball caps.

7) Their snack bar clearly consists entirely of the items you cleaned out from the refrigerator and threw away earlier in the day.

8) They’re obviously trying to sell you a cursed mirror, but won’t even consider throwing in the baggie of Hello Kitty shoelaces for free.

9) The margarita machine has no tequila included, but plenty of worms.

10) The prostate exams, while admittedly affordable, are to be honest a bit rough and dry.


Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….