We know Tim Tebow and Jesus would never g0 mano y mano in any athletic competition, but Tebow’s recent success on the gridiron has awakened the belief amongst religious Denver Broncos fans that he may, in fact, be the second coming of the one true lord and savior. Christians everywhere may threaten to switch their allegiances from the Catholic Church to Sports Authority Field at Mile High, if Tim Tebow continues to pull out miracles through unquestionable faith and mediocre-yet-timely playmaking.  We here at National Lampoon have taken it upon ourselves to examine the likelihood that Tim Tebow is, in fact, Jesus– and Jesus is Tim Tebow. The similarities are eerie. Let’s explore them, shall we?

Birth
The Virgin Mary gave birth to Jesus, despite having no idea whom the father was. C’mon, there’s no way she would’ve just surmised the she was pregnant with the son of God right off the bat. There had to be a few weeks where she thought she just had a stomache ache or some sort of plague and went to see some sort of doctor figure about her issues. If there was abortion back then, she would’ve at least considered it. No one wants some mystery seed of indeterminate origin growing inside them.

Tim Tebow’s mom gave birth to her son, in spite of the health issues. People questioned her decision to put her own health at risk for her unborn child. She could’ve had an abortion, but instead trusted in her faith in God and went through with it. She could’ve never known that she would give birth to Football Jesus.

Riches/Accolades
Upon birth, Jesus was met by three wise men whom showered him in gifts of Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh.

Tim Tebow not only won the Heisman Trophy his sophomore year, but upon being drafted by the Denver Broncos he received a rookie contract $9.7125 million over 5 years. That’s a lot of money for someone no one thinks is going to be a very good NFL QB.

Preceded by
John the Baptist is often thought to be the precursor to Jesus Christ. The itinerant preacher foretold of a messianic figure that would be greater than himself, ultimately agreeing that that person which he was blathering on about was Jesus of Nazareth. He baptized him at Bethany beyond the Jordan before giving him the go ahead to take over.

After the fruitful John Elway and pretty okay Jake “The Snake” Plummer eras, The Denver Broncos searched high and low for their next QB messiah. They drafted Jay Cutler with a mind to mold him into “the one,” only to discover he was a huge dick. They then traded for the impossibly more modest and improbably more competent Kyle Orton. Orton put up some big numbers, but ultimately struggled during the 2011 season before being cut. They had also traded for Brady Quinn, thought to be a potential messiah in the distant land of Cleveland. Quinn even had some religious background, having often led the Fighting Irish Catholics of Notre Dame to victory. Alas, Denver never really gave Quinn a chance, since everyone agreed he kinda sucked. Tebow appeared in a few games in different offensive sets prior to John Fox officially handing him the reins to the Broncos offense on a bye week.

Miracles
Jesus turned water into wine, walked on water, and healed lepers. Post-crucifixion, he rose from the dead and went up to heaven.

In his first game as a starter, Down 15-0 to the winless Miami Dolphins in the 4th Quarter, Tim Tebow threw 2 touchdown passes in the final 2:44 to take the game to OT, where Matt Prater kicked the game winner. Two weeks later, Tebow led the Broncos to a come- from-behind victory over the Kansas City Chiefs, despite completing only 2 passes. The next 2 games were won in similar come-from-behind fashion where all of the media miraculously focused on Tebow’s iffy performance instead of that of the stout Denver Broncos defense. The Broncos are also 5-1 with him as a starter, that’s gotta be some sort of miracle, right? Also, he’s responsible for the “Tebowing” internet photo meme.

Betrayal
Judas turned Jesus in to the Romans and got him crucified.

Jake Plummer criticized Tim Tebow for talking about his faith too much and got him interviewed by Skip Bayless. What a Judas!

Death
The Romans crucified Jesus, which was pretty painful.

Someone’s gotta eventually put 11 in the box against Tebow, right? That might end up being painful for Broncos fans once they realize they don’t have a QB with basic QB traits, such as accuracy and pocket presence.

Resurrection
After Jesus rose from the dead he became the central figure of one of the world’s biggest religions. Also, there was a general post-crucifixion consensus that Jesus was a super great guy.

Tim Tebow will most likely end up being a backup QB for a team in a major media market. When the starting QB goes down, Tebow will come in and lead the team to a win. Everyone will talk about how great a game he had.

Conclusion
So is Tim Tebow the second coming of Jesus Christ? Well, we’d like to give you a definitive yes or no, having viewed all of the evidence. But the fact of the matter is, Tebow hasn’t shown us all of his tricks yet. While the evidence is overwhelmingly in favor of a resounding “yes,” ultimately time will tell.