Originals
featured-image-template-NL-black

A Few More Statements About Black History Month from President Trump

Black Cats

A lot of great cats out there, folks. White cats, very nice. Black cats — during this campaign, I met a lot of black cats I wasn’t so familiar with. And I said — some of them are just like regular cats. Just like them! A lot of people don’t know that.


Blackjack

Jack is just tremendous. Very classy. Big impact.


Black Sabbath

Church is so important, folks. So important. You know that — she knows what I mean. They know what I mean. I love church. I love God — who can forget God? Wrote a great book, one of the best of all time. The book — there’s Jesus, who’s a very bad hombre, has one of the most overrated carpentry businesses of all time and has never even met me — but the Roman Centurions are very tough on him, very fair and they win huge.


Blackhawk Down

Our black hawks are down. They’re down, folks. There’s no spirit. Very weak. I said — and you never heard Hillary say this, which is why she did very poorly with hawks, some are saying the worst ever — I said I will bring prosperity to hawks. Our beautiful black hawks are in disrepair. I will fix them.


The Blacklist

What a list. A tremendous list. Very classy. So many names. People say, “Did you know there would be so many?” Just a lot here, folks. They have no idea. So proud.


Black Eye

The other day — just the other day, someone was saying to me, “I’m going to give you a black guy.” He was very excited, very high energy, swinging his arms around. I said — and I could’ve done this, it would have been so easy — but I said no, you keep the black guy. This guy — security had to escort him out, but I wouldn’t make the deal. I have very high integrity. You can’t just give someone a black guy anymore. A lot of people don’t know that.


Black Mirror

People keep saying, have you seen this black mirror? Terrific mirror, very tough, very smart. I don’t see color.


Black Lights

Black lights — so biased. It’s really a disgrace. Black lights matter is a mess. Just see what they’ve done with their bowling alleys. Zero integrity.


Black Death

The black death. Some are saying it was the greatest death of all time, me, I don’t know, but it was very good. Very hardworking. It did an amazing job in a — Europe was so hostile. So hostile. Nobody makes good deals anymore. I’m going to bring death back to America.


The Mindy Projects

The Mindy Projects are in terrible disrepair, just terrible. Overrun with crime. Even a great doctor, Mindy Lahiri — her moral is terrible, I can tell you that. Hillary would have done nothing for the Mindy Projects. I am going to be a President for the inner cities.


Orphan Black

We never win, folks. We lose to Mexico. We lose to Russia. We lose to China. They’re laughing at us. Totally weak. Not again! We will have the best orphans.


Black Swan

Black swan — I love black swans. Love them. Very beautiful, very underrated. So many people are saying, “Donald, everyone knows how much you love black swans, why don’t you talk more about it more.” I said — look, I am a President for all swans. Some of my best birds are black.


Sirius Black

Sirius Black is an example of somebody who’s done an amazing job and is being recognized more and more, I notice. He escaped Azkaban, though, which is very sad. Terrible security. If the dementors cannot do their job, we will send the Feds!


Written by Riane Konc

Riane Konc

Riane Konc is a writer whose work has appeared in Shouts & Murmurs, McSweeney’s, The Washington Post, Reductress, and more. You can find more of her work at rianekonc.com and follow her on Twitter @theillustrious

Comments

comments