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Steve Bannon, Really? He Doesn’t Even Make My List of Top 5 Favorite Nazis

 

I gotta tell you: I’m real disappointed with the news Donald Trump selected Breitbart-founder, Steve Bannon to be his chief advisor as president. Bannon is perhaps best known for bringing the white nationalism movement (sometimes described as the “Alt-Right”) into the mainstream with Breitbart’s extreme race-baiting invectives and narratives. But while that’s a worthwhile résumé in of itself, he doesn’t even begin to crack the top of my list of five favorite Nazis of all time. Here are five, more kickass Nazis who would be better serving at the right arm of the president.

 


 

My Uncle

This guy is such a Nazi, I blocked him on Facebook back in 2014. Talk about being ahead of the curve! If being the ultimate hipster means you were into Arcade Fire’s first album, Funeral before anyone else, then my uncle is the most ultimate Nazi anyone’s ever met.


Your Uncle

Oh, don’t worry, friend, I’ve seen this keyboard warrior really up his game recently. It was just a mere six months ago you called him out for using dog-whistle words, like “thug” and “protestor.” Now, he’s abandoned all pretense. I didn’t even know it was possible to use the n-word and “emails” in the same sentence. Well done, sir. Well done.


The Guy In The Backroom Of The Gun Shop

It takes some real schmoozing with the gun store proprietor to meet this transient Buddha figure hanging out in the backroom behind the keypad lock. Pro-tip? Don’t use words like “schmoozing” if you want to get back there. Name one leftist-Hollywood sham spiritual guide who can spare as much wisdom on the Elders of Zion as he can the most practical land mines for home defense. I’ll be waiting…


Pretty Much, The Entire Panhandle Of Florida

Sit yourself down in Pensacola and throw a lawn dart, and you could hit a better White House chief strategist.


Some Random Guy Named Chris

Who is this guy, and how the fuck did we become Facebook friends? All these years, he seemed like a quiet, quaint, fairly likeable person—if anything, maybe even a little boring. Young, nice family, and house. Model American. Turns out, huge Nazi.

Written by Matt Rotman

Matt Rotman

Matt Rotman is a writer, poet, and comic (in ascending order of his father’s disappointment). His work has been featured in Diabolique Magazine, The New Southerner, Marathon Literary Review, and the anthologies, [Ex]tinguished & [Ex]tinct: An Anthology of Things That No Longer [Ex]ist (Twelve Winters Press) and Puff Puff Prose, Poetry and a Play Vol. II. He lives in San Diego, CA.

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