Posted on July 3rd, 2008 By
Bonzo the Chimpanzee, star of such movies as “Bedtime for Bonzo”, “Tarzan” and “Doctor Doolittle”, is running for president.
The global media is a buzz with news of the Chimpanzee’s campaign. Bonzo says he was inspired by the political career of his “Bedtime…” co-star Ronald Reagan. Having recently rejuvenated his political career, Bonzo is back in action. The primate star found himself back in the limelight after he was denied a star on the walk of fame. This debacle put Bonzo right in the middle of the inter-special discrimination debate, thrusting our Chimpanzee companion back to stardom.
Many are not in support of Bonzo’s campaign. At a recent press junket, Washington Sun-Herald reporter, Jane Novack claimed his basic use of tools could pose a threat to stability in the Mid East. In response, Bonzo counter the remarks with a barrage of feces that left the media stunned. One spectator remarked that it was: “the most honest response [he’d] heard a politician make in quite some time”.
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Posted on July 1st, 2008 By
Chris Kattan is getting hitched! All I have to say is: if he’s not getting married to a cartoon, I don’t see how anyone ever pictures this working out.
Also notable this week, “Mean Girls” star, Amanda Seyfried has been talking to the media about her opinion/discovery that child celebrities, such as co-star Lindsay Lohan, go “nuts” because they experience fame at too young an age. All I can say is, thank you, Amanda. I feel like I’ve finally been shown the light! Thank you so much for exposing the man behind the curtain. I always wanted him to expose himself to me.
That was Amanda Seyfried, ladies and gentlemen, with her new theory, entitled: “Pointing out the Obvious… Hey! I have Fingers!”.
Having been denied a star on the walk of fame, Bonzo the Chimpanzee, star of the film “Tarzan”, is returning to work. Some critics are saying the ape may be over the hill and too old to recapture some of his youthful brilliance; but insiders claim the hairy-hunk has never shown more spunk (…spunk Bonzo plans to flick around the movie set at random).
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Posted on June 25th, 2008 By
Don’t you just love double standards? Anthony Keidis, of Red Hot Chili Peppers fame, straps his kid to his chest and hits the road in his doorless (what the hells is that) car and the reaction is, “Awwww, look, Anthony is out with his kid. Isn’t that sweet.”
Now, if it was Brit Brit headlines across the globewould read, “Oops, She’s Done it Again!” The mother’s of America would beout in forcewagging index fingers in unison while chanting, “Bad mommy!” Advocacy groups would use the moment to remind everyone that “your child is supposed to be strapped in a safety seat in the backseat of your vehicle,” not to your chest like a human airbag.
So, why is it thatKeidis gets a free pass on this one and Britney Spears would be tared and feathered? Is it becauseKeidis isa guy andpeople just expect that his parenting skills would be a little skewed based on testicles?
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Posted on June 24th, 2008 By
Shaq, ask my daughter how your ass tastes…
Dear Zaz,
Shaq thinks I ruined his marriage? I was accused of rape cousin, bought my wife a $2 million dollar ring and we all good. Maybe if he Read more…
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