GOP frontrunner Donald Trump took time to discuss how he’d handle the current showdown between the president and the Senate for replacing Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.
DONALD TRUMP: Listen, ok? Just sit down and shut up and listen. You gotta think big. I’m thinking HUGE. I’m thinking entertaining. I’m thinking… The Apprentice: Supreme Court Edition.
NATIONAL LAMPOON: Um, hello. Yes, sorry?
TRUMP: Television. That’s where the money is. How many people in this country do you think genuinely care about the next Supreme Court nominee? I mean REALLY care? Not many. But if you take this process and put it in front of an audience, put it on prime time television, and put my name on it? It’ll be the biggest thing the world has ever seen.
NL: So, you’re suggesting that naming the next Supreme Court nominee should come down to a reality show?
TRUMP: Not just ‘a reality show’. The reality show. You make all of the contestants–
NL: Nominees, you mean.
TRUMP: Contestants. Contestants. You make them all live in the same house. You record that. Maybe they’re all in one big bed. Then you get at it. Someone gets immunity, someone gets fired, maybe someone gets their underwear stolen and has to walk around in itchy pants. Maybe they all have to wear tiny black robes. I talk with Mark Burnett about this all the time. I talk to all the top people, I will tell you. Supreme Apprentice, Court Edition. Trump Court Supreme, whatever. The advertising revenue alone! Imagine it. We could balance the national budget every year. I’ll balance it in a week with this show. And I haven’t even gotten to the physical and psychological challenges.
NL: Wait, challenges?
TRUMP: Court Supreme is a lifetime job. I don’t want some old ballsack – I don’t mean just men, could be a ballsack woman, whatever – withering away on the bench. That’s why these challenges are so important. If the newest Supreme Court Justice can’t climb over a mud pit on suspended rope net or eat a dozen crickets before his teammate passes out in a box full of cockroaches, then we don’t need them dealing with the biggest decisions in the country. I wouldn’t want that person making my sandwich.
Remember, this is a big deal. The biggest. This is about making the American people interested in the Supreme Court nomination process. Not only are we putting these nominees to the test live, every week, on prime-time television, but the American public are going to vote on who they want to save. Every week, they can save one candidate from being fired. So maybe if one of the contestants–
TRUMP: I’m talking, ok? Contestants. Maybe if one of them fails to navigate the rose-thorn hedge maze fast enough or gets knocked off of the podium first during the Justice Jousting people can save them for another week. Even if they come in dead last during the Potato Sack Full of Appeal Paperwork race or can’t consume six ostrich eyes in five minutes. It’s about getting Americans involved in the process and having them rally passionately behind the amazing judges and personalities blasted into their living rooms. We’re even considering getting Omarosa back to compete.
NL: Well, it certainly sounds entertaining. Would you run a similar show if the need to replace another Justice comes up?
TRUMP: Oh absolutely. We’re gonna do this every year.
NL: But you can’t replace a Supreme Court Justice until they die. We don’t know when that will happen again.
TRUMP: I’m a man who gets things done. I’ll get it done.