Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs
If we’re being honest, the meatballs are usually a bit undercooked. But we slather them in so much Russian dressing, literally drenched in Russian dressing, that you’ll barely be able to taste the meatballs anyway.
Pencing A Loaf
Not much to this, quite frankly. A plain loaf of white bread; tasteless, bland, boring. But eating the entire thing in one sitting will make you feel bloated, and like you’ve got something stuck up your butt; just like our high-falootin’ Vice President, and many of you seem to enjoy that feeling. So go right ahead, I guess.
The Wire Friar
The snack that we’re most well-known for… bacon-wrapped, perfectly seasoned filet strips basted in a delicate honey glaze. Sadly, most of our kitchen staff have been deported back to their countries of origin, and they were the only ones among us who knew the recipe and cooking instructions. So this is unavailable for the time being, and probably forever. Sorry about that.
Far Right Wings
Burnt and malformed, basted in a sour, room-temperature sauce that, be forewarned, might make you sick.
(Addendum, it will definitely make you very sick)
Specialty Drinks From The Tap’s Own Secret Beer Garden
The Foamy Comey
Once you get through all of the distracting and seemingly unnecessary foam on top, there’s really not much actual content to be had. Why was all of our time wasted with all of that foam, with so little reward? We drink it down quickly and ask for more anyway, of course.
The drink that made us famous, whether we like it or not. We’re telling you, this is great stuff! Amazing, really. Unfortunately, we can’t find it right now. We have no idea where it is. It was there, though, we promise! Once we get ahold of it, it’s going to be great. You’ll see. You’ll all see.
Malt liquor beverage with a surprisingly dark, robust color. Probably too dark for the drink’s namesake audience to enjoy, but you’ll probably like it.