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Welcome to The Wire-Tap! The DC Area’s Premiere Beer Garden.

Menu

Bar Snacks

Sleeping With The Ene~meatballs

If we’re being honest, the meatballs are usually a bit undercooked. But we slather them in so much Russian dressing, literally drenched in Russian dressing, that you’ll barely be able to taste the meatballs anyway.

$9.50


Pencing A Loaf

Not much to this, quite frankly. A plain loaf of white bread; tasteless, bland, boring. But eating the entire thing in one sitting will make you feel bloated, and like you’ve got something stuck up your butt; just like our high-falootin’ Vice President, and many of you seem to enjoy that feeling. So go right ahead, I guess.

$2.49


The Wire Friar

The snack that we’re most well-known for… bacon-wrapped, perfectly seasoned filet strips basted in a delicate honey glaze. Sadly, most of our kitchen staff have been deported back to their countries of origin, and they were the only ones among us who knew the recipe and cooking instructions. So this is unavailable for the time being, and probably forever. Sorry about that.

$14.95


Far Right Wings

Burnt and malformed, basted in a sour, room-temperature sauce that, be forewarned, might make you sick.

(Addendum, it will definitely make you very sick)

$7.95


Specialty Drinks From The Tap’s Own Secret Beer Garden

The Foamy Comey

Once you get through all of the distracting and seemingly unnecessary foam on top, there’s really not much actual content to be had. Why was all of our time wasted with all of that foam, with so little reward? We drink it down quickly and ask for more anyway, of course.

$8.00


The Wire-Tap

The drink that made us famous, whether we like it or not. We’re telling you, this is great stuff! Amazing, really. Unfortunately, we can’t find it right now. We have no idea where it is. It was there, though, we promise! Once we get ahold of it, it’s going to be great. You’ll see. You’ll all see.

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The Malt-Right

Malt liquor beverage with a surprisingly dark, robust color. Probably too dark for the drink’s namesake audience to enjoy, but you’ll probably like it.

$10.50


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Written by Kit Lively

Kit Lively

Ain’t It Cool News said of Kit, “If Gary Larson is Bill Cosby, then Kit is Richard Pryor.” That’s a great quote, right? Man, I love that quote! That was, until Bill Cosby turned out to be a deplorable serial rapist. Now the quote isn’t worth shit, even though my name isn’t linked directly to Cosby’s! Thanks a lot Bill, you jackass. Not only have you ruined dozens of lives with your rapey ways, but you’ve ruined a perfectly good quote as well. I hope you rot in Hell, you scumbag.
Anyway, Kit’s cartoons have been published by lots of humor magazines, etc. etc. yadda yadda. (sigh)….

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