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Sirs,
And I thought my server wipe was bad.
Best,
President (Mark it down, dumb-dumbs!)
Hillary Clinton

Sirs,

The drugs today aren’t nearly depraved enough for this particular odyssey. Writing has gone the way of birds eating filet mignons at The Palm, as cloud-faced lollyloos saunter meaninglessly through the death-throes of capitalistic political correctness. (Try to keep up, numbnuts.) Someone get me a damn glass of whiskey before I jet outta my nuthouse in your corporate black Trans-AM. Like Burt Reynolds. Yeah. The Bandit. Awaiting more articles. This IBM Selectric is ausuxxxxxhxxxxxx-

Best of luck,

P.J. O’Rourke

Sirs,

Thanks for making your server password so simple – “poon” was our second guess.

Love,

The F.B.I.

PS – Our first guess was “Dipshits”

Sirs,

Finally. No worries.

Up yours,

Alfred E. Neumann

Sirs,

We haven’t forgotten about that dog.

En garde!

-P.E.T.A.

Sirs,

We have a little saying where I come from: “Sex sells.”

So, boobs?

Sincerely,

Internet reader

Sirs,

Interested in any Donald Trump material?

Regards,

Your writers

Sirs,

You may be interested in a little piece of mine called “True Facts.”

Ch-ch-check it out!

– Fat Jew

Sirs,

Let me be clear – you were not missed.

Booya!

-President Barack Obama